Having a bad night

[finaleofseem]

Let me preface this by saying I know I am very lucky -- my loss is still concealable, and even if it weren't, my boyfriend is quite possibly the most amazing man ever, and wouldn't care. We've discussed it at length.

But for some reason, I'm having a REALLY hard time dealing with the HL tonight. Maybe it's because my shed is up, despite not changing anything. I know I'm not my hair, but I'm so sick of the shedding. Even though my HL is fairly unnoticeable still, recently I've been toying with the idea of shaving it and wearing a wig, just so I don't have to deal with the hairs everywhere.

Anyway, all this to say, I'm 23, and I'm just getting used to my adult body, and this just seems so unfair. To add insult to injury, I've lost 20lbs since February (I'd like to lose another 40 more), and I'd really like to feel good about my new body. But instead, I'm just so upset about my hair, and worried about leaving hairs everywhere.

I know there are cosmetic options that will allow me to get on with life. I know that with a topper or lace wig, no one will ever have to know, save the boyfriend, b/c he lives with me. I can pretty much match my bio hair, and it can look even better than my actual hair looked.

So why am I so upset still?

[kawawa]

Our hair is such an important part of us. I think that if we were losing our arm one inch at a time we would never question why we were upset. You are supposed to be upset about losing a part of your body; it is just that sometimes we don't handle it as well as other days and it overwhelms us.

We must grieve this loss just like any other loss and how we handle it will decide how we move on in life. I know that you will be one of the ladies who handles this and moves on when the time comes, but it is OK to be sad, scared or angry for a day here and there.

I still wonder why I had to lose my hair even after 15 years. I still hope that one day I will wake up and it will be growing back. I am sorry that you are having a bad time just now. You are such a beautiful, sweet young lady and wow you are so lucky to have lost that extra weight. I hope that you have a better day today.

Love and Hugs
KAWAWA ((((((((:>))))))))

[phurrballe]

Finaleofseem, after reading your post, I cried. I am much older than you and I am losing my hair due to hormonal changes but I am simply devastated. ....no, beyond devastated!! I can only imagine how it must be when you are so young and experiencing hair loss. My heart goes out to all of you being so young.

I related to your story because I just completed a major renovation of my kitchen. It looks beautiful but it is all shrouded by the constant pain of dealing with the hair loss. My hair loss occured over several months, not years, and I am resentful and angry that I did not even have time to prepare for it nor learn how to deal with it as it transitioned from phase to phase. Each week seemed like new, crappier looking hair - now I am left with srpigs of bangs and the rest is think, lifeless dull and frizzy. I too am considering a topper. I hope to emerge from this stronger and get back to enjoying my life. If I were very young though I know that goal would be that much harder. I hope you are feeling better by now but at least know that I have so much compassion for you and hope you stay strong and we all kick this damn hair loss thing in the butt.

Phurrballe

[divinem]

I don't really have any words of wisdom, just words of solidarity and understanding the loss you're feeling -- the uncertainty, the unfairness of it all. I've lost 133 lbs. (over the past 7 years -- it's been very slow and is NOT the cause of my HL) and have ~25 more to go and I, too, want to feel good about my appearance. Instead, I'm constantly obsessed about the itchy scalp, the shedding, the hair falling, little hairs constantly tickling the nape of my neck as they fall through the day.

I feel ya, girl. {hugs}

~Melissa

[finaleofseem]

Thanks ladies! I'm sorry I've been so long in getting back to you. Boy and I have been moving, and we were sans-internet for a week or so.