Dating

[Constantlydevastated]

I have started dating a really great guy who thinks I am beautiful, but he hasn't seen how thin my hair actually is, because I never shower at his house or have my hair wet around him, and I always wash my hair before we go out so it looks fuller. I have started a very aggressive shedding a few weeks ago (again) and my already see-through hair is quickly becoming transparent hair. Does anyone have any advice on how to tell people about this thing in your life that makes you fear ridicule and disgust? Besides just literally saying it, how do you cope with the experience of humiliation letting someone know? My parents told me that I don't have to tell my boyfriend anything, but it is such a huge part of my life--I don't want it to be that way, but you can't snap out of that overnight and be OK!--and I think he will probably ask about it once he sees more of my scalp, and when I get all uncomfortable about wet hair.
I'm truly scared, I know this is a wonderful guy who will hopefully not judge me by my lack of hair, but that doesn't make me feel any less panicked. Any advice would be well appreciated. Thanks.

[Raminta]

Hi Constantlydevastated-

You are not alone in your fears. I have been having them since my problems with hair loss started. And, while once in a while I still succumb to those fears, I have learned that there is much more to me than my hair. (Plus, chances are your hair problems will be solved!) Some things to keep in mind in the meantime:

You are more than your hair, remember. Use the pain to help you grow more intelligent and healthier. Be a beautiful human being. Watch your diet. Be beautiful inside and out. It will make you glow in people's eyes. And, you will have more knowledge about health and the world in the end.

People who are disgusted by your, or anybody else's, looks are not worthy of your time or calling themselves "human." Please ignore them and their ridicule; pity them if you can. They must feel rather miserable about their lives to put down those around them. Do your best not to judge others, especially based on their looks. Remember, "Be the change you want to see in the world" (Gandhi).

You have an opportunity to learn more about your mate. Look at is this way: You like to know that your guy will be by your side and love you even if, heaven forbid, you get a nasty debilitating disease or suffer a body marring accident, wouldn't you? If your boyfriend appreciates you beyond your surface, he is a keeper. If he wants a woman purely for lots of head hair, well, then good riddance. You deserve a man who values a woman for more than her hair's appearance.

There is no law mandating you to tell your boyfriend about your hair loss. It is a matter of trust between two people. It's also a matter of ending the stress of the unknown; for hair regrowth, you want as little stress as possible. If you are spending time at your guy's place, you probably have developed a lot of intimacy with each other. He can be there for you and your quest to regrow your hair. In his eyes, in all likelihood, the hair loss is not as pronounced as in yours. He finds you beautiful regardless.

Be brave, and good luck! Warmest wishes.

[Hair Worrier]

Hello

Im really sorry to hear you are feeling like, at times I feel the same but luckily my boyfriend is very supportive and thinks that there is nothing wrong with my hair. You must recognise that while some people are blessed with very thick hair, thin hair is also a natural and acceptable state and we have to all work with what we have.

That said, we should of course do all we can to resolve issues we aren't happy with. I am currently in week 3 of a 6 week intensive course to slow down my hair thinning as the hair loss is getting on my nerves.

I am curious- exactly how much hair are you losing day??

:)