MiaFlores
12-08-2009, 11:15 AM
I'm new here, and first let me say that I appreciate seeing how wonderful and supportive you are of each other, and that there are other women who understand and I can be honest with. I think the worst part about my hair loss might be how alone and ashamed I feel to even be around friends and family right now. I just want to hide.
I’m 35 years old. I’ve never felt I was a beauty, but I was decent looking, and the one attractive feature I always had was nice hair. My hair has been waistlength to tailbone length, dark, shiny, nice texture…. Also, I’m of a cultural background where long, full hair is very much valued–expected really–for women (even more so than in American culture at large.)
I’d realized I had some very gradual thinning probably over the last 10-15 years, but nothing drastic. I’d been on the NuvaRing for several years without any big incident. Then, this summer, I tried to go off the NuvaRing. And all hell broke loose.
In three months time, I went from having a full, lovely head of hair and no major skin problems to incredbly awful cystic acne and my hair falling out by the handfuls. At first I thought it was just a temporary shed…but soon I noticed my hair was getting a LOT thinner. At this point, I have lost 1/3 - 1/2 the hair I had in June. In the last month (month 4) it’s reached the point where it’s become really hard to hide it. There is a patch at the top-back of my head that is so thin, it’s become hard to cover. The temples and sides of my head are also thin and hard to cover, and all over I can just see rivers of scalp when my hair separates or is put up/pulled aside.
It’s stunning how quickly and relentlessly this has happened!
My doc put me back on NuvaRing (there were other side effects from going off of it.) She said the hairloss should stop and hair start growing back. I’ve been back on it for a month. Other symptoms have started to slowly improve, but my hair continues to drop and I don’t see any signs of regrowth yet. I’ve started Nizoral (1%) about two weeks ago. I’m taking hair formula vitamins. I’ve had blood tests. My ferretin was 32 (normal, but low-ish end maybe?). B12 and the TSH4 also in normal range, DHEA-s 42. I have an appointment with a dermatologist next (soonest I could get--god I hope I still have hair....) But in the meantime, I’m so lost, and so desperate.
I am just devistated I don’t know what to do. I’ve reached the point where I’m afraid to go out of the house without a hat on. I cry (sob, really) over this every day, which makes me feel silly and cry more. I’m afraid to see friends and family. I feel ugly and ashamed all the time. And I worry about what the future will bring. (Will this hair loss stop? Can I grow enough of it–any of it–back and feel normal again? Will I be too unattractive to men to be loved and desired again? What about having children–will I have to choose between keeping my remaining strands or having a baby?) Some days, I almost feel like killing myself. I won’t, but I…just feel like I don’t want to live like this. http://www.womenshairlossproject.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif
It’s even affecting my work. During the day, I avoid office situations as much as possible because of harsh overhead lights. For my other job, I teach flamenco and I also perform (sing, dance) regularly. But now…I’m afraid to stand with my back to my students (are they staring at the balding spoton the back of my head? Will they still want to take these classes with me if they notice, or will they want to find someone else who meets the more glamorous image they have in mind?) And what about my performances? Am I going to lose gigs/not have guitarists, choreogs, and clients because I don’t have the look and the hair needed to pull it off? Up to now I’ve been hiding the loss with partial hair pieces and accessories, but I don’t know how much longer that will work if this doesn’t stop. Probably not more than a month. Plus…for certain types of performance, the fake hair is difficult–can’t be changed quickly between numbers, changes the feel of how I move, etc. ...And I rely on this for my income.
I’m also struggling with at what point do I need to (partially) give up and cut my (remaining) hair? And how short do I need to go? I know, it may sound silly and not especially rational, but the thought of surrendering and cutting my long hair hurts and depresses me terribly. (Again, the cultural thing, plus the prospect of just not looking like what I feel like/not looking like me.) I know even if I can regrow some hair (which is a big if, from what I can tell…) it would take years for the new hair to reach the length and texture of what remains…and even if I get to a more “normal” shed cycle, over time, that “old hair” will just fall out due to natural cycle…probably before new hair has grown in to the same length.
And that’s if it grows. http://www.womenshairlossproject.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif
In the meantime, I’m trying (unsuccessfully) not to think about it ALL the time…yet here I am at awake again in the middle of the night and on this site. I don’t know which I’ll lose more completely first–my hair or my mind. *sobbing*
Thank you all for listening, and thank you for sharing your stories. It is good to be able to “come out” to some people who might understand.
I’m 35 years old. I’ve never felt I was a beauty, but I was decent looking, and the one attractive feature I always had was nice hair. My hair has been waistlength to tailbone length, dark, shiny, nice texture…. Also, I’m of a cultural background where long, full hair is very much valued–expected really–for women (even more so than in American culture at large.)
I’d realized I had some very gradual thinning probably over the last 10-15 years, but nothing drastic. I’d been on the NuvaRing for several years without any big incident. Then, this summer, I tried to go off the NuvaRing. And all hell broke loose.
In three months time, I went from having a full, lovely head of hair and no major skin problems to incredbly awful cystic acne and my hair falling out by the handfuls. At first I thought it was just a temporary shed…but soon I noticed my hair was getting a LOT thinner. At this point, I have lost 1/3 - 1/2 the hair I had in June. In the last month (month 4) it’s reached the point where it’s become really hard to hide it. There is a patch at the top-back of my head that is so thin, it’s become hard to cover. The temples and sides of my head are also thin and hard to cover, and all over I can just see rivers of scalp when my hair separates or is put up/pulled aside.
It’s stunning how quickly and relentlessly this has happened!
My doc put me back on NuvaRing (there were other side effects from going off of it.) She said the hairloss should stop and hair start growing back. I’ve been back on it for a month. Other symptoms have started to slowly improve, but my hair continues to drop and I don’t see any signs of regrowth yet. I’ve started Nizoral (1%) about two weeks ago. I’m taking hair formula vitamins. I’ve had blood tests. My ferretin was 32 (normal, but low-ish end maybe?). B12 and the TSH4 also in normal range, DHEA-s 42. I have an appointment with a dermatologist next (soonest I could get--god I hope I still have hair....) But in the meantime, I’m so lost, and so desperate.
I am just devistated I don’t know what to do. I’ve reached the point where I’m afraid to go out of the house without a hat on. I cry (sob, really) over this every day, which makes me feel silly and cry more. I’m afraid to see friends and family. I feel ugly and ashamed all the time. And I worry about what the future will bring. (Will this hair loss stop? Can I grow enough of it–any of it–back and feel normal again? Will I be too unattractive to men to be loved and desired again? What about having children–will I have to choose between keeping my remaining strands or having a baby?) Some days, I almost feel like killing myself. I won’t, but I…just feel like I don’t want to live like this. http://www.womenshairlossproject.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif
It’s even affecting my work. During the day, I avoid office situations as much as possible because of harsh overhead lights. For my other job, I teach flamenco and I also perform (sing, dance) regularly. But now…I’m afraid to stand with my back to my students (are they staring at the balding spoton the back of my head? Will they still want to take these classes with me if they notice, or will they want to find someone else who meets the more glamorous image they have in mind?) And what about my performances? Am I going to lose gigs/not have guitarists, choreogs, and clients because I don’t have the look and the hair needed to pull it off? Up to now I’ve been hiding the loss with partial hair pieces and accessories, but I don’t know how much longer that will work if this doesn’t stop. Probably not more than a month. Plus…for certain types of performance, the fake hair is difficult–can’t be changed quickly between numbers, changes the feel of how I move, etc. ...And I rely on this for my income.
I’m also struggling with at what point do I need to (partially) give up and cut my (remaining) hair? And how short do I need to go? I know, it may sound silly and not especially rational, but the thought of surrendering and cutting my long hair hurts and depresses me terribly. (Again, the cultural thing, plus the prospect of just not looking like what I feel like/not looking like me.) I know even if I can regrow some hair (which is a big if, from what I can tell…) it would take years for the new hair to reach the length and texture of what remains…and even if I get to a more “normal” shed cycle, over time, that “old hair” will just fall out due to natural cycle…probably before new hair has grown in to the same length.
And that’s if it grows. http://www.womenshairlossproject.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif
In the meantime, I’m trying (unsuccessfully) not to think about it ALL the time…yet here I am at awake again in the middle of the night and on this site. I don’t know which I’ll lose more completely first–my hair or my mind. *sobbing*
Thank you all for listening, and thank you for sharing your stories. It is good to be able to “come out” to some people who might understand.