How do I tell my boyfriend???

brneyez · #1 03-02-2010, 08:03 PM

I've been dating a wonderful man for over 2 years. I know he loves me more that I even know.

My problem is, I am very, very sensitive about my hair loss and I really don't discuss it with anyone (except for on here of course

) and I don't know how to approach the subject with my boyfriend.

I use a hair loss concealer (toppik) which pretty much masks how thin my hair actually is. Obviously it doesn't give me more hair, it just disguises my scalp. Well, our relationship is getting to the pretty serious point, to where we are talking about moving in together. I get such high anxiety when this is brought up because I have never gotten ready in front of him, so he doesn't know what my actual hair looks like (even worse when it's wet) and he doesn't know that I apply a concealer.

Again, I know my boyfriend will love me no matter what, but I am just so incredibly uncomfortable bringing it up, but I know I have to in order to move on with our relationship. I've even avoided going on vacations or going out of town with him, and whenever I have to shower and get ready, I think of some excuse to send him home.

My question is, have any of you gone thru this? How did you bring this up to your boyfriend? How did he react when you did? How did he react when he saw your 'real' hair for the 1st time?

Please share your experiences. I think the more you talk about it, the easier it will be to talk about it with others.

Corinne13106 · #2 03-03-2010, 09:57 PM

Hi,

I haven't been through the same experiences you have because I fortunately had been married for about a year before going through my hair loss. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go through what you are and I am sorry that this is your reality. I hope you are able to talk with some others here and can become more confortable and confident in bringing this to your boyfriend.

Corinne

brneyez · #3 03-04-2010, 01:59 PM

thank you so much Corinne! I am hoping for the same. Every once in a while I think, should I tell him now? then I chicken out. I know there must be women out there that went thru the same thing, and I think it all boils down to just having enough b@lls to just tell him, I just don't right now.

KVC · #4 03-07-2010, 05:37 PM

Hi there brneyez,
I too have been there and done that, played the toppik hide & seek game with various boyfriends, only to realize that it made me feel unnatural.

I have suffered AGA since the age of 12. Somehow, I've gotten by- tying my hair up, or parting it to the side to avoid attention.

When I was 19 I met my boyfriend, who I've been with for over 3 years now. One of the first nights I spent with him, he said to me "Hey the hair on your scalp is very thin looking, are you okay?". I pretended it didn't affect me and I had barely noticed that my hair was so thin.

As our relationship progressed, I realized he was my soulmate. We shared every detail of our lives, and I couldn't take not telling him this huge worry of mine - something that was constantly on my mind. It also happened to be that that summer, after much research and hassle, I had finally scheduled myself in for a hair transplant. I did not want to undergo such a major procedure without having my bf on board.

So I told him everything. And let me tell you what, whatever fears you have of him being less attracted to you, thinking of u as less of a woman - don't have them.
These are all tests. If the relationship is meant to survive, it will survive through this. It is tragic that at the age of 21 I have lost value for appearances - I have started to think like a 60 year old woman. But in a way, it is also amazing. The friends I seek, the relationship I'm in - I know for a fact that nothing is based on looks. Because looks fade. For some earlier than others, but nothing's permanent, except a solid connection to your loved ones.

There are times where I will notice that my boyfriend is not as sex-driven as he used to be when we met. I immediately start jumping to conclusions -is it my hair that's turning him off? And I don't think it's something I will stop doing any time soon, even though I know, and have been told (by him!) that it is absolutely irrational. It's a part and parcel of having this condition - that underlying insecurity.

But it will be all right, I promise.
Good luck sweetie.
KVC

brneyez · #5 03-08-2010, 07:34 PM

Thank you for sharing that KVC and for the support. I keep thinking, I'll tell him this weekend, then next and so on. It really is to that point I need to tell him, I just can't seem to segue into that topic.

Thanks again for all your support! I really appreciate it

Lisah · #6 03-08-2010, 10:57 PM

Wondering what everyone is using now that they don't have Armour Thyroid??? I have been taking Armour every other day with Synthroid every other day for 5 years now. My shedding was better finally after hell for years and now it's going CRAZY again without the medicine it's used to having??? What is everyone taking to replace the Armour?? I have never heard of a company stopping a medicine that has been around for years and no real answer from my pharmacy on what happened... I would like them to explain it to my hair because this shit is so aggravating... Any help appreciated... Thanks, Lisah

keys · #7 03-10-2010, 04:34 AM

Lisah...you can still find Armour Thyroid out there but you need to turn into a detective. My mom is 90 and has been on it for 45 years. There is no way I want to mess with a 90 year olds meds.

Armour Thyroid recently released a small quantity of 60 mg into the marketplace. You just have to call around.

In addition to the larger chains, I recommend that you call any small independent pharmacies in your area.

Finally, you can also go to a compounding pharmacy and they can make natural dessicated thyroid medicine for you. It'll definitely be more expensive than Armour Thyroid, but at least you'll be getting the right meds.

Good luck!

Kippy · #8 03-19-2010, 02:45 AM

Hi,

I decided I had to tell my boyfriend early on. I started drastically losing hair in August of '09 and started going out with my bf early October. A few weeks after we were together he stopped by my room just to say hi (we're in college and live in the same dorm). I hadn't been expecting him and he sat down on my bed which had hair ALL over it (and it's not like I hadn't JUST cleaned it off but because I'd been sitting on my bed it was inevitable--everywhere I looked there was hair). He said jokingly "Do you have cancer or something? Your hair is all over the place." I froze, I had no idea what to say. I would have just kept it a secret but my loudmouth roommate already knew and I was worried she'd tell him some tweaked version of the truth, so I decided he should hear it from me so he got the real story.

I kept it very much toned down and just said I was having a problem with hair loss and on meds to get it under control. He could not have reacted better. He did not care one bit. In fact, he didn't even see what the big deal was. He could tell I'd been hesitant to tell him and he asked why. For guys, hair loss really isn't that big a deal. And I am so glad I told him because I had support. I also told one of my really close guy friends (he's like an older brother). As embarrassed as I was to tell him about it, I regretted not telling him sooner. It really helps to have friends who support you. Keeping it all bottled in is just too much. Once those two knew about my hair loss I started to feel better. I still had breakdowns but not as much. I don't know why but for some reason it really helped and I'd recommend you tell your boyfriend, especially since you know he loves you and you've been going out for 2 years. In my case I was telling a new bf and he wasn't even phased by it.

dalia · #9 05-04-2010, 05:22 AM

Hi brneyez,

I'm in a similar situation. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years and we've been talking about getting married. Recently, my hair loss has increased and the thinning has become more visible, this has stressed me out so much because I know I have to tell him. I don't want us to get married without me telling him. I know he loves me and has never made a comment about my hair. He always tell me that I'm beautiful and I tell him that beauty does not last forever...this is my way of preparing him to the possibility of me becoming bald. I've been very depressed lately and he thinks it has to do with my work. Today he said I appear fragile and asked me if I thought work was going to cause me to have a nervous breakdown. I wanted so badly to tell him that it wasn't work but my hair loss causing me stress.

I have to tell him and get it off my chest. I know that once I do it I will feel a little better. I often tell myself that I'm not giving him enough credit as he has shown me how much he loves me, but for some reason this issue seems so different. I don't want to see disappointment in his eyes and most of all, as silly as this may sound, I am mostly worried about the men he works with...he is in law enforcement and I know how cruel and judgmental his fellow cops can be. I'm afraid to find out whether their opinion matters to him...this is my biggest fear.

I agree that talking about it makes it more bearable. Good luck to you.

justbeth · #10 05-29-2010, 12:51 PM

I know how you guys feel. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4yrs now and we have been living together pretty much since day 1 of our relationship. My hairloss started about a year ago. i tried really hard to hide my emotions from him about it, but they were consuming me to a point where i needed to talk to him about it.

We were in bed one night and I just flat out told him that I was losing more hair than normal. As soon as the words left my mouth the tears followed. I had been so upset about it and I had no one to talk to. Once I told him he said that he has not noticed any difference at all in my hair. He told me that he will love me no matter how much hair I have. He said that we will get through this together. He has since been my shoulder to cry on when I get really upset about it. He has given me advise, he has been to every doctors appointment with me, making sure Im taking my meds, talking to me about alternative treatments. He has been amazing.

Once I told him, this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. We have become much closer and I really trust him with my fears about it all. He has been such a huge support throughout the entire process. And anytime I breakdown, he is there to lift me up and help me out of my rut and wipe the tears from my eyes.

As women we are so critical of ourselves so often, we just assume that our boyfriends are the same. But the flaws we think we have, they do not see because they love us just the way we are. Telling him will be such an emotional relief and an added support system.