I hate them all. My long (and sometimes violent)rant.

Discussion in 'Rants and Venting' started by Kirthi, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. Kirthi

    Kirthi New Member

    Who do I hate?
    The ones who stand next to me and go "Oh my hair is soooo heavy! I wish I had thinner hair/ I might have to thin it out" (I hate you and I hate your hair - no, I love your hair, I just hate you.)
    The people who then comb their hair, find 4 strands of hair and go "Oh my God! I'm losing so much hair" (Wait, can I try too? We can compare scores, biggest loser their head scalped)
    The ones who flip their hair in public and toss it around. (Machete and saws.....)
    The ad-men who make those digitized videos of hair that we're supposed to aspire towards. (Roast in hell, you heartless Bas&ards!)
    The people who say "Did you know you're losing hair??" (Blinding Rage at this one supplemented with homicidal tendencies)
    The people who say "It's your diet/ it's your shampoo/ it's because you are non-vegetarian/ because you don't eat enough meat" (You're like a health superman that way, you know exactly what is wrong with me!!)
    The people who say "It's just hair" (Why didn't I think of it that way?)
    The people who say "It's not that bad" (Really? Can I shave your head while you're sleeping tonight then?)
    The people who say "I wish I had your hair" (No, no you don't)
    The store sales people who walk up to me and say "Try this serum, it stops hair fall" (No really? You mean there was a cure all along?)
    The people who can't maintain eye contact with me and eye the shiny pate. (Yes, I know I rival the halogen lighting, but hey I have interesting things to say too!)
    The people who offer cures. (You have a head of normal/beautiful hair. Do NOT give me "proven" cures for something that you have no idea about and was an urban myth for you until you met me. And I know I will not put fresh rabbit blood on my hair)
    And finally, The people who say "It'll all get better" (No, no it won't. It's genetic. I hate it, I'll hate it everyday of my life. All I can do is cope with it. But it'll never get better and I'll never be that girl I know I could have been.)

    Thanks for reading this. I feel better having written this. I have a supportive family who's trying to understand what's happening to me and a sister in the same boat who is blindingly angry about her hair loss. I've reached acceptance and the knowledge that this is inevitable.
    Has hair loss changed my life? Yes! Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. My confidence is a fraction of what it could be, I believe people don't really like me, I don't think anyone of the opposite gender could ever love me and I spend all my time being docile and uber-helpful (read doormat)because I have to make up for the lack of hair/beauty.
    I just want to cry and cry and bawl and scream sometimes. I don't remember what it's like to have a head of hair. I don't know what it is to have someone take a double look at you because you're stunning.
    And then some days, like today, I tell myself that I am not alone (thank you ladies!), that I have a family that loves me, an curious mind and personality who I love and a life of understanding and compassion. I wouldn't be me today if my hair wasn't dying on me. So here's to me and all you other ladies out there. Give yourself a hug and say "I love you, me!" :D
    Angela likes this.
  2. feelingwiggy

    feelingwiggy New Member

    ditto...I've had all those feelings...
  3. kawawa

    kawawa New Member

    Dirty Bastards!!!! All of them!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel your pain, but I also see your humor and that is what will pull you through the hard days.
  4. VictoriaG

    VictoriaG New Member

    I love your "rant", I've said it in my head a thousand times, you're a zillion % right on!
  5. kdwmw

    kdwmw New Member

    I have one for you...about 6 weeks ago a long time friend of mine asked if I ever thought about wearing scarves! She quickly added, "not because of your hair, but for fashion." What do you say to that? Wish I had a whitty retort, but just felt hurt.

    I think all this inner (and outer) hair turmoil has made me hyper critical of every other part of my physical self...my figure, my skin, my nails. I made a hasty & baaadddd decision to have fraxel laser repair done to my crows feet & under eye area. You know, if everything else looked great, maybe no one would notice the hair. It has turned out badly for me. Now, I need a mask on my face, as well as, a scarf for my head! The past month has been rock bottom depression for me & I have been hybernating. My poor son just started a new school last week & it has just been awful meeting new families & teachers hiding behind glasses & a hat. I'm very sad & really ANGRY at myself. I know I wouldn't have done something so silly IF I HAD GOOD HAIR!!! k
  6. Kirthi

    Kirthi New Member

    Thanks for reading everyone!
    @feelingwiggy- thanks for the post and other informative posts as well. Now I'm a little further along on shoring up the courage to go topper!
    @kawawa - *waves and hugs* sometimes I think I've reached a zen place about the hair loss, but I'm only human. People are cruel. My sense of humour is one of the only things that's keeping me from becoming a basket case.
    @VictoriaG - thanks for the post. I'm saying it in my head a thousand times too. But lately I've been thinking that if they are going to be so insensitive about it (my hair loss is very apparent), then I don't have to worry about their feelings. I think I'm going to start saying it out loud.
    @kdwmw - Thanks for your post. Sometimes I think I was destined to get hair loss to prevent me from getting too vain. As it is, I (still) have a very health ego. But yes, I worry incessantly about my skin, my makeup, my look and the image I present. I also know that no matter how put-together I look, people will always discount me because of my hair. It is true that you and I and all of us are lovely people but people will discount us at first glance.
  7. feelingwiggy

    feelingwiggy New Member

    You are very welcome. Also wise to seek help and support from others who have walked your road and can identify with every stinkin' feeling that comes with hair loss. I've received lots of compliments on my hair. And when I got my wonderful wig (her name is Paula Abdul)... :)- I'm going to name them all... ) my family only said "did you get a haircut, looks really good..."
    Oh happy day. Let's put up the good fight together!
  8. kellyjean

    kellyjean New Member

    I can definately identify with ALL of those feelings.

    Hahaha, there's a girl that sits in front of me in my AmGov class and she has the most gorgeous hair. I can't even focus on the lecture because I'm wishing I had her hair. Probably thinks I'm a lesbian..... LOL. I'm just envious. Geez.
  9. Angela

    Angela Moderator

    I hear you hon! Rant away.
    What do you feel is your next step as you move forward despite your hair loss? How do you see your life as a young woman? It does get better, but not in the way that most think. The hair doesn't magically come back, but over time we discover more of who we are. It does strengthen us and when we look back at all the shit we did to ourselves, it pales in comparison to what others may have said or done. I know I was my worst enemy and I was my biggest critic. Coming to acceptance and then not letting hair loss hold us down emotionally and physically is the greatest gift we give ourselves. :>
  10. Stacey2478

    Stacey2478 New Member

    If I only had a nickle every time I saw a girl standing in line in front of me, or walking past with a great head of hair and thought "I hate you, you don't even know how lucky you are" followed up with "will anyone notice if I push her in front of that bus?" Or watched a Pantene commercial (hello manipulative lighting!) and thought back to the days when a commercial for a hair product gave me new ideas for hair styles to try, and did not make me want to put my fist through the TV. I would be a billionaire!!! I used to look in the mirror and play with my hair, now I look in the mirror and stare at my scalp obsessively. It's soooooo aggravating!
  11. Kirthi

    Kirthi New Member

    Thanks for the post ladies!
    @kellyjean - I laughed so hard when I read your post cause I've had people tentatively broach the topic around me, wanting to know if I think girls are 'attractive" ;D. I never tell though!
    @Angela - Thank you for the motivation. I'd like to think I've to terms with the hairloss. Makes me more accepting of other people's problems. My hair loss has been gradual enough for me to make my peace with it, but sometimes the anger just pops up and I think "Why me?".
    @Stacey2478 - Totally empathise with the you don't how lucky you are bit. I actually tell my friends that. I'm envious on anyone with hair- dreadlocks, splitends, dry hair, oily hair whatever. I just think you can work with anything so long as you have have hair.
  12. Denise B.

    Denise B. New Member

    I can sooo relate. Although I am able to hide my hair loss (for now), its still heartbreaking when you see someone with with you want and probably used to have......A FREAKIN FULL HEAD OF HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(Denise B.
  13. VictoriaG

    VictoriaG New Member

    I have a coworker who is growing her hair for Locks Of Love, and it is really, really thick. She is constantly complaining that she has too much hair and can't do anything with it. If she wasn't doing this for such a good cause, I'd grab a scissor and relieve her of her "problem".!!!
  14. kdwmw

    kdwmw New Member

    Victoria,

    I have an idea for your coworker. If she really wants to empathise with cancer patients, she should actually shave her head for the donation. That way locks of love gets a few more inches of hair, plus she'd be making a statement of solidarity for everyone going through chemo. It's ONLY HAIR, right? I'm feeling mean today. . .
  15. VictoriaG

    VictoriaG New Member

    yup!


    I absolutely agree. And that didn't sound mean to me ;)!!!
  16. Angela

    Angela Moderator

    Its not mean. In talking to quite a few women with cancer, I can say that all of them worried about their hair loss more than dying. Women with cancer have deep feelings about their hair loss, and often that goes unaddressed because they feel like they shouldn't be concerned with it in light of their cancer...after all they could lose their life, so why does this cut them to the core? Hair loss leaves a scar on the soul just like a mastectomy on a woman's body. I remember my first encounter with a woman who had a double mastectomy. It was long before I had lost my hair. I was working in a hospital as a nurses aide and it was the first time I had ever seen a woman with no breasts and two big scars. She was very ill and I had to bathe her. While I was bathing her, she asked me if it bothered me that she had no breasts. I said no, and what she said next amazed me...she said it didn't bother her too much when she lost her breasts, but she never recovered from losing her beautiful hair after chemo. She said when her hair grew back it was wirey and thin and made her look old, fragile and defeated, but she was a survivor who took back her life. I wonder what it must have been like for her to have me come in and take care of her. I was around 25 years old at the time with thick and gorgeous long hair. What was she thinking about my hair? Did she wish me ill will because she lost hers and it didn't grow back properly? Did she secretly despise me? I never understood how she could have been so torn up about losing her hair at the time. The sight of a double mastectomy made me feel like "why would you care what your hair looks like, your breasts are gone." But I understand NOW why she was so tortured by her hair loss. I'm not sure that I would feel the same as her about losing my breasts, but I sure do understand the impact of losing hair.
    Any body giving their hair to Locks of Love should be commended, BUT even if they shaved their head, they know it will grow back. They don't understand the deep emotional toll it takes on us, so for them they can say "It's only hair" taking it for granted that it will come back.
  17. VictoriaG

    VictoriaG New Member

    Weird coincidence - another of my coworkers (we're a small group, too) did have a double mastectomy in February, and lost most of her hair to chemo. She never complained about the surgery, just the loss of her hair. Thank goodness she is healthy now and her hair is growing back, but you'd think that coworker #1 would spend a little less time complaining about having too much hair when coworker #2 (i'm not including me in this) was so upset about having practically none for several months.

    (Kirthi, sorry we've gone off on a little tangent here!!)
  18. feelingwiggy

    feelingwiggy New Member

    I don't think you are mean at all, you are just honest. But as you go on down this road my wish for you is that you can let go of the anger and find peace with the stinkin' cards you've been dealt. Losing our hair, will take us through a grieving process very much like a death of someone close. Don't fight the steps, try and lean into them (hope that makes sense) . Acceptance and joy will eventually come. Big Hugs to you! Judy
  19. Kirthi

    Kirthi New Member

    That the co-worker is growing out her hair for Locks-of-Love is so commendable. But, she should know better than to complain about the weight of her hair and it's un- tamable qualities in public and possibly in front of someone she knows is experiencing chronic and/or permanent hairloss. Hairloss is still not a well-known problem, but as with every other problem, good behaviour and basic courtesy demands that you don't do things like that.
    Most of us are less likely to be blase about the scars and problems we can hide than the ones that are on display everyday.
    I think the anger is justified. No, they don't know what it's like, but they should show show more awareness about it.
  20. Denise B.

    Denise B. New Member

    A friend of mine has a sister who had breast ca. Her sister was going to shave the rest of the hair she had left and wear a wig for the duration of her chemo. My friend had given serious thought to shaving her head also just to support her sister. Now, my friend has thick hair like plush carpet and she sports a short spikey do. I know she was sincere about it and could easily carry it off with no problem. Needless to say, she didn't do it. We are sooooo attached to our hair.:>