I hate them all. My long (and sometimes violent)rant.

Discussion in 'Rants and Venting' started by Kirthi, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. mythreeboys

    mythreeboys New Member

    I read your post and I thought it was tremendous. I have felt everything that you mention.

    To date I am a shell of what I once was. I am full of anger, resentment, spite, despair and hopelessness.

    I often wonder why the reason this happened to me. I was doing good raising my three kids, I was happy or at least happier then I am now. Scalp pain, crappy health and hairloss has stripped me of my life. I go through motions like a robot same thing day in and day out with a husband who is so tired he does not even ask me how I am anymore. Our marriage is just motions, life is chronic pain and unhappiness.

    How does one get through this when they don't feel well on top of thinning hair and burning scalp?

    I don't want to hate women with nice hair, women who seem happy, yet happy people piss me off, I want to just scream.:(
  2. Angela

    Angela Moderator

    Its definitely not easy going through hair loss and on top of that not feeling well. Going through flare ups of hair loss for me, comes with neurological problems, very bad joint pain, sleepless nights, no appetite, and pissing myself. (Fun right?) I mostly only talk about my hair loss, but anytime there is hair loss I have other things going on also.
    Its not easy doing it all and I've learned that I just can't do it all. I've also learned that I need to ask for help from my family. They need to know that we need them as much as they need us.

    At this point in my life, the only people I envy are babies. LOL They don't know how good they have it, and they live in the moment. To be that free and innocent. Damn those babies!
  3. mythreeboys

    mythreeboys New Member

    Angela sorry your also plagued with poor health. How do you manage your days? I am having such a hard time with three school aged kids I can barely keep up with the 100's of school forms school shopping let alone take care of myself. I have some "unknown" condition that's tearing my body apart and my hair drips out of my head. Since my disease still remains nameless and since I still have a covering of hair on my skull I seem to get blown off by the small family I do have. Since there is no blood, broken bones, cancer (that i know of) and I am walking and talking it must not be that big a deal.

    I just saw your profile with 4 children, wow I feel like a whiner. Your family is lovely.

    I do look at little babies and thnk of the days that were carefree and filled with joy and no fear etc. When you don't feel well it strips you of everything. It really sucks beyond measure
  4. Angela

    Angela Moderator

    What kind of doctors have you been to? Have you been checked for auto-immune disorders?

    I can be a whiner....most definitely! LOL Especially with a grand daughter on my hands. I'm amazed at what me and our family has been through and we are still standing.
  5. mythreeboys

    mythreeboys New Member

    It sounds as if you have your hands full.

    I have had blood work for immune disorders. 4 yrs ago my scalp became pink and started to burn and sting on a grande level. After starting the pill the brows started to burn and lashes were shedding out. never patchy just diffuse even both arms etc. But derm said no AA, not sure about AGA and all my Dr's say they dont know but there are abnormal things showing up on tests etc. Just nothing like lupus, RA and such even though I have many symptoms.
  6. Angela

    Angela Moderator

    Does your scalp ever ooze or scab up? Has your doctor been willing to do a biopsy?
  7. mythreeboys

    mythreeboys New Member

    No crusting, oozing just pink and irritated looking when pain is severe and other times I can feel inflammation but not see pinkness. I did have a biopsy done just one punch out of a spot that was pink and painful that day but it did not show anything out of the norm.
  8. pcosgirl

    pcosgirl New Member

    Thanks for that rant :)

    Hey Kirthi, I'm new to this site but I just read your "rant" and wanted to say thanks for reading my mind. It's comforting to know other women are out there going through as bad a hair loss as me (or worse) and who get that this isn't just a matter of vanity. Hair is so important to your self esteem like it or not. Guys freak out, and I empathize, but sometimes I almost envy men because a guy can shave his head and look good still or cool, whatever, and he can go on and get married and have a family. It really would take an amazingly special guy to overlook balding/baldness. I know already from just skimming posts here that there are plenty of you with supportive spouses and boyfriends, but sadly I'm not optimistic for someone like me who isn't attached at the moment and who would have to start dating with all this lost hair. And the prospect is horrifying. So, to all the people who tell us to get over it, maybe I'll eventually learn to cope, but I'll always be upset about this and long for the hair I used to have (which was a different texture and thickness not just that there was more of it). I mean, I've been crying daily over my hair lately, not that I never cried before but now I can't control it, and I feel like I can't escape shampoo commercials on tv or ads in magazines, or the newest tip on how to style my hair in a magazine. Grrr, I have lost soo much hair, I don't want to know the cutest, newest way to wear it. I just want to put a bag over my head and call it a day. K, back to crying. Lol. Thanks again though, really did help reading it.
  9. katt

    katt New Member

    Meee tooo

    I feel exactly the way you feel almost every day. Sometimes i feel guilty and stop myself but then i think to myself no i can be pissed and i will.:):>
  10. RedSoxFan

    RedSoxFan New Member

    You wrote it so perfectly!

    Your rant is a poem and I smiled through my tears while reading it. Your humour and on target wording made me want to have my friends and husband read it and then say to them, "THIS is how I feel!"

    Thank you for writing!
  11. Calla

    Calla New Member

    This hit me so hard. I started crying because this is exactly how I feel. This girl at school was flipping her hair all over the place, complaining how heavy it was, how thick it was. Then she asked me if I wanted some of her hair! Um yes! Sometimes I don't think people understand what they are saying. I had to go to the bathroom after that and cry. I am SO glad I found you girls!
  12. julie012

    julie012 New Member

    Kirthi! I love your post. It made me laugh so much and I needed it so badly today. I have finally made a decision that I need a wig and that was a very hard step for me. Oh well.... we need to do what ever it takes to stay and fight. I totally feel everything you said in your post. To add insult to injury my mother has the most gorgeous hair and I have been given the "oh your mother has such good hair...what happened to you?" sweetness. Not only do they make me feel bad they try to make me jealous of my family. It is even hard on my mom who feels guilty to have good hair while I am struggling with my hair loss. Other people sometime just say and do things just to hurt you. I don't know why. I like to think that my own experience has made me a much nicer person. I am always very sensitive to other people's problems because I remember my own pain. We just have to support each other and stay strong one day at a time. Please spread your sense of humour and keep us laughing. I also try to do so but some days I need to borrow strength from one of you to stay smiling. You helped me today:)
  13. lexiemustang

    lexiemustang New Member

    Thanks for sharing your rant. I have been losing my hair for almost a year now, and this describes exactly how I feel often. I was just diagnosed yesterday by the dermatologist with female pattern baldness, so now I guess it's official. Whenever I am out and about, I see women with full, gorgeous heads of hair, and I get so jealous. And I'm so sick and tired of wearing wigs.

    It's just hair, right? UGH. If I hear that one more time I'm going to scream. :rolleyes:
  14. Denise B.

    Denise B. New Member

    Now I am REALLY losing my eyebrows too. I'm on the hunt a good eyebrow pencil/powder. Its really depressing because I've started to eat right and exercise. I've lost 12 lbs. I feel better. Not only my hair but my eyebrows too!!!!!!!!!! I try not to stress about it, but when you look in the mirror in the morning and see more and more gone.....well it's very disheartening.
  15. Where'sMyHair?

    Where'sMyHair? New Member

    OMG, here, please take this big 'ol Mama type hug from me.

    I'm new here myself, this is my first post. I'm losing my hair, lost it from the front due to some weird kind of cysts, now losing it in the back from something else, less invasive and bloody (sorry, the cysts were awful) and it's all weird.

    I shy away a bit to admit thought that as long as I can get this new, inflammation-thing cleared up, and can figure out why this is happening (moldy house, most likely) I'll shave my head and call it good. I personally don't give a rat's behind what others think, that's on them. But chances are, you're much younger than me, and that's got to hurt more.

    So, please, accept any hugs, support, good energy, thoughts, etc. I can send. I'll be around, and will keep y'all posted on what I find out.

    BaldieBun
  16. Where'sMyHair?

    Where'sMyHair? New Member

    Calla,

    Sorry, I should try to be an adult, and offer some real, genuine adult-type support, some positive and constructive way of dealing with such gits as the gal at school.

    Frankly, the only thing I can come up with is a mind-movie involving an accident with the paper cutter and a stupid young woman's hair.

    But then I have an ugly imagination when I think of someone saying that to another person in your situation. I'm old enough, hard enough, and would have been disgusted enough to make myself look a fool by hurling horrible, immature insults filled with ugly cusswords, negative stereotypes, and all sorts of bad, evil, and nasty things at that ignoramus.

    If I were in a better mood than I am tonight, I might just calmly ask her how she managed to come by such fine head of well-groomed hair after having obviously been raised by a slavering pack of bitch-wolves.

    What? That's the right thing - female wolves, that's what they're called! Right?

    I thought so.

    Huge hugs,

    BaldieBun
  17. tabbi1019

    tabbi1019 New Member

    Hi Angela,
    I love what you said, I too am my own worst critic but am trying very hard to look past the nonsense and learn to love myself again
  18. Star

    Star New Member

    Every word of that is so true Kirthi.!! I'm in India too and there are such less options for AGA. My trichologist and hair transplant doc said I have over all diffuse hair thinning . so transplant is outta the q. I did get clip in extensions when I went to the US last month though.
    Hope you feel better!!:):D
  19. Brittey

    Brittey New Member

    Agggg

    I used to be one of those girls with the really thick coarse long hair. I would bitch about it anytime I straightened it cause it took 2 hours. i would say " I hate my hair! Wells only if I could take it all back...Id smack the fuck out of my old self and say stfu and be glad the shit isn't falling out bitch! I remember making fun of those hair loss commercials when I was a teen,but now i know the misery those people felt.MAYBE this is karma? I hope not ...
  20. Digress

    Digress New Member

    Kirthi, I know exactly what you mean. I can relate to everything that you just said, besides the supportive family, as they are the reason for my distress. Quote from what my doctor said 4 years ago when I first started noticing my hair fall, "Don't worry, it'll get better in time" -fast forward to the present- Oh look, it's even worse, and after going back to him because my mom somehow believes that he'll be more helpful or even care after 4 years, he says "Don't worry, it's probably nothing, it'll get better in time" great, thank you so much for the gigantic waste of time, so where do I book an appointment for another 4 years later so that you can tell me that again?

    And yes, people who say "It's your diet/shampoo/not enough meat", gee, when did you become an expert on MY hairloss? This is where my family comes in, after my hairloss became more severe, they started threatening to do things with my hairloss. "OH, if you don't drink this soup, all of your hair will fall out." "Eat some more of this fatty steak cause you're not getting enough iron and that's why you're scalp is showing so much" (this is where they shove about half a large plate sized steak drenched in oil on my plate, which I absolutely hate)

    People who can't maintain eye contact with me and eye the shiny plate. Family. Oh look, a recurring pattern. I'll be having a nice conversation with my aunt or my cousins or other relatives, they'll suddenly look up and start commenting on how bald I've become or how my scalp has become so much more visible than before. This is usually when my mood turns sour and I walk away or try to end the otherwise pleasant conversation, and even though I've explained to them multiple times that I don't want to hear about my hair loss because I know already how bad it is, they still don't understand why that upsets me and continue to do it.

    Another one I'd add would be people who joke about your hairloss, yes joke. This is one of the main reasons why I'm reluctant to even have dinner with my family or close relatives, because they ALWAYS bring it up, and I ALWAYS feel like throwing up when they do. One night my uncle was commenting on how thick and long his sons hair was, and as his son was refusing to get it cut, my uncle jokingly added "haha, we should give some of his hair to you" to which I politely replied "Haha yeah, that would be great." ... haha, yeah, now where's a big yellow bus when you need one?

    /End rant =|. Sorry I ranted on your rant page ... and *hugs* hope that things are going well with you now. :)