I lied about my topper to a balding woman

Discussion in 'Wigs and Toppers' started by kawawa, May 1, 2009.

  1. kawawa

    kawawa New Member

    I wear a bonded topper, and no one, not even a hair stylist can tell. I just have to tell someone this. Today I was at an event where I work. Our locations are really spread out so I don't see the same people often. OK Let me start at the beginning! There is this coworker who is thinning to the point of balding in a few spots. A year ago this woman saw me and she wanted to know what I was doing to make my hair thicker. I did tell her that I used Toppik and biotin etc. at the time I did not have any real growth, but was covering it with Toppik. She saw me today for the first time in a year and she made her way over to me and wanted to see the progress on my regrowth. I was so floored that I looked down so she could see my "scalp" She just gasped and wanted to know what I had done to grow my hair back. I lied! I could not tell her it was a topper. I am so scared that someone at work may find out that I just told her that I took Spiro. I feel really bad, because I like to help people. We talked for a while and she was very honest about her feelings on her HL. I did say to her that a good wig is always a great choice and that she could consider one and that I would be happy to help her figure that out. I told her about this website so maybe she will log on to get some support and answers.

    I just can't take the chance that my co worker may find out and I don't know her well enough to give her my confidential secret.
  2. Angela

    Angela Moderator

    I'm sorry you had to do that to a fellow co-worker, but I completely understand your reasons why. We don't know who we can trust. If she really admired your hair even though she didn't know it was a hair system, you could get the information together about which company you use and give it to her. She still doesn't need to know that you get it done, but it would help her out to know that she does have some sort of support and that she isn't alone.
    I'm glad to see that you found something that works so well for you. That's awesome. :>
  3. Becca

    Becca New Member

    I think you did help her by giving her suggestions and letting her know she can come on this site to get support. I don't think we should have to feel that just because we are experiencing hair loss that we need to let everyone know what is happening. I wear a full wig but I haven't told anyone at my work about it. I figure if they can't tell, why should I feel I have to confess anything. If there ever comes a time when I feel more comfortable with it and my co-workers, I may decide to tell them, but it will be when I'm ready.
  4. kawawa

    kawawa New Member


    I feel better today about it. I will send her the link to this website in a week or so. I never want anyone at work to know about my secret even if I am comfortable with it myself.
  5. Dara

    Dara New Member


    I agree with Becca. You did help her by giving her info about this site.

    I wear a topper to work and none of my coworkers are aware. I recently bought a new topper. The color is a little darker and the hair itself is much nicer.. finer and straighter and a little longer than my current topper. I haven't worn it to work yet as I am trying to figure out a way to explain the change. I remember when I started wearing my current topper to work, there were a few remarks from about 3 people about how my hair looked "different." I explained it by saying I got it cut, colored and permed.

    When you started wearing the bonded topper to work, how did you explain the change in your hair?
  6. kawawa

    kawawa New Member

    Answering Dara's questions

    Hi Dara,

    Thanks for your kind words. I am also getting my new topper in about 6 weeks. I have scheduled a vacation at the same time. It is my experience that most people have short memories and won't notice when I get back from vacation. You may think of doing this over a vacation or long holiday weekend. Get a little sun and then wear it pulled back for a day or two and then let it down. My guess is that no one will notice.

    When I got my first topper in December I knew it was coming and would take 10 weeks so I let my hair grow and let the color go and started wearing it pulled back. Oh My, was I looking old! When I got my new topper I cut my hair, put a new color on it and looked like I had a makeover. I also lost about 10 pound in that 10 weeks so most folks just thought it was the weight. I got a lot of attention about my new cut and color, but no one noticed that my hair was tripled in volume.

    Good luck with your new topper and just tell them it is your new hair color. I am sure that it is beautiful and you will pull it off. Good Luck!

  7. Dara

    Dara New Member

    Thanks for the advice. I do have a vacation coming up this summer. Hopefully I can pull it off like you did. I don't know about losing the 10 pounds though! But it would be great if I could do that too!

  8. finaleofseem

    finaleofseem New Member

    I agree with the above posters -- there's no reason to feel bad about the white lie you told your colleague. If you feel that someone at work other than this woman finding out about your topper would make work harder for you ... well, I would have done the same thing. It's such a personal decision, whether we tell others or not. And while this woman would probably never intentionally let it slip (she sounds like she was just looking for help), you never know.

    I hope she's able to find some support and a good cosmetic solution. It's hard out there when you feel exposed.
  9. kawawa

    kawawa New Member

    You found it!

    HI you found us or were you here already?
  10. finaleofseem

    finaleofseem New Member

    Ironically, before I got your message about this place, I had already registered earlier the same day.

    Either way, glad to have made the move!
  11. sleeplesshouse

    sleeplesshouse New Member

    But, won't she see your picture on this site and know that you were not honest with her ???? I'm confused on that ??
  12. kawawa

    kawawa New Member


    Once you sign on here you are one of us, so I guess it is Okay.
  13. sleeplesshouse

    sleeplesshouse New Member

    Ahhh...makes sense....I know what you mean. I have the most absolutely gorgeous wig....and I wore it to church last Sunday & didn't know what I was going to do if someone asked me about my hair....so, everytime someone made a comment about my hair...I said thank you and kind of "ran off" as if I was preoccupied with something else....like my kids or the need to go get something from the front office, etc. It worked. At least for that week. But, the "nice" women ---- being sarcastic here --- that normally look me up & down to see what I am wearing were not there that week...so, I can only imagine what they might say when they see me for the first time with the wig this coming Sunday. If anyone has any ideas on what to say, let me know...I've thought of some long-winded things..but, they just look suspicious. So, I am kind of fearing it.
  14. sleeplesshouse

    sleeplesshouse New Member

    Kawawa - I haven't read everything that would probably be able to answer this question, as this site is very detailed & a bit overwhelming for me to navigate..but, I do love your hair! You say you use a "topper" is that your word for replacement system? I have just ordered my first ever system from hair direct...but, I ordered it as a clip in (mostly because I have too much hair to shave off without having a panic attack). I have no problem with shaving it off one day, but I think the smart thing for me to do is EASE into. So, the unit I ordered will have clips, but they can be removed if I chose to go ahead & shave it off & use as a true bonded system. Back to you, though.....do you attach yours using glue and/or tapes? I know that the use of mine (when it arrives in 10 weeks) will most likely result in me really wanting to use it without the clips...so, I'm trying to figure out how I can attach it without shaving my hair.
  15. kawawa

    kawawa New Member

    I still get comment about my hair almost everyday. I usually just say thank you or if they presist. I say something like I love my haircut too.
    I tend to make a quick exit if it gets too thick. It just works for me if I can't exit I will say something like " Oh I love your coat where did you get it or how are your children doing etc... it usually works to get the subject off me.

    I have only had one or two people reach up to touch me and I just move back so they can't touch me. I had one lady touch me twice in two minutes on a bad hair day, she felt my topper I am sure but she most likely thought it was a pin or something.

    I have been the subject of hair conversation more than you can imagine. It is funny because I am now the women in the room with the great hair and great cut. Mostly, I am just amazed that no one has figured it out. I would have died a year ago if someone knew, but I am more able to cope now if someone were to know.

    The shop uses red tape on my topper and then a little surgical glue just around the edges. Mine is glued right onto my bio hair since I don't really have very much to begin with.
  16. Women's Hair Loss Project

    Women's Hair Loss Project Administrator Staff Member

    Yep! True, True

    I think this link has some information you might find helpful:

    For a little hair replacement inspiration, watch this video: http://www.womenshairlossproject.com/wigs/hair-never-looked-so-good/ Everyone in that video is wearing some type of hair, whether it is a topper, wig, lace system or Reprieve system... Or they just are sans hair, bald and beautiful.

    A "topper" is a term that is used to describe hair replacement systems that only covers the top or topish part of you head. They can be clipped in or glued on. It is essentially integrated with your own hair. I think a lot of women start with toppers.

    Hope that helps. :>

  17. mooshie

    mooshie New Member

    Can you please share the site or kind of topper you have? I've desperately been trying to find one with a natural looking scalp and the closest things I've found is a closure they use for weaves but I had to sew in clips which are painful after 2 hours. I really would love to have a bonded topper and would appreciate any help.
  18. HairHope

    HairHope New Member

    I have been wearing a bonded topper for a few years now. Clip in toppers were painful and integration hair toppers were also painful. I had slowly been losing hair since I was a teenager and finally decided that I was tired of rogaine, toppix, etc. For me there was nothing more embarrasing than the constant stares to the top of my head because I had thinning on the top. One day enough was enough and I ordered a topper online, shaved part of my head, and attached it. It's not the right choice for everyone but it was the right choice for me.

    I have had to try out a few different companies because what works for some doesn't work for all. There are also companies that will take advantage of you. My best advice is to do A LOT of research first before jumping into ordering from a company. Learn about the various base types, knots, hair type, etc. One very basic starting point is the American Hair Loss Association http://www.americanhairloss.org/hair_replacement/

    I'm new here and I'm not sure if posting a link is discouraged. If so, I'm sorry.
  19. DJB

    DJB New Member

    Bonded topper?

    I'm new today. I'm wondering if a bonded topper is a permanently affixed topper like some men's toupees? I had never heard of it until just now.
  20. Infinity

    Infinity Member


    Is the item Sequence a topper? I never herd the word Topper used in this context before. Well, I got the Sequence "head" as I call it, but with the clips. Only because I didn't want to have to return once a month to get the piece/topper/head re-attached. Bu I think it made my hairloss worse. I never heard of hair bonding. They just use the word "attach", which, I agree sounds very vague. I don't think they want you to know just how they attach these heads until after you've paid them! Should I get it permanently attached? But I do NOT want to return every month, so I'm kinda stuck. I'm really just back to using toppik. All that money!!