Just me ranting after 3 years

Discussion in 'Rants and Venting' started by Luc30, Sep 5, 2013.

  1. Luc30

    Luc30 New Member

    I haven't posted in a while. Three years ago when this problem started I quickly felt overwhelmed, lost, and angry. While I am hesitant about medications (thyroid meds is what triggered my hair loss) I have tried vitamins, affirmations and changing my diet to try to fix this issue from the inside.

    My hair is still not growing back, however; the shedding has gone down to normal (50-100 hairs a day.) My one concern at this point is whether or not I am shedding, or if my hair is going through miniaturization. My part, especially along the front is really wide. I have no changes on the back of my head, so I can't claim AA at this point. I also may have PCOS, but I don't have all of the primary symptoms. Bottom line - my hormones are shot and being stressed isn't helping.

    I wanted to write today because I called off work. Last night was horrible. I came to the bathroom and saw my scalp. I have to work REALLY hard to hide that gap. I use Nioxin 2, toppik and sometimes an thickening gel. It does the work enough that others can't tell. However, if I don't wash my hair every day, and don't use the products, it's there. But last night I got hit with such a bout of depression that I instantly felt suicidal. I rarely feel suicidal, angry? Sure...all the time. But suicidal is rare indeed.

    I have a couple of issues against me - for one I am overweight, and now this. I am single and mostly date women. Sometimes I see posts from ladies who are so worried about their guys, and while I don't disregard those concerns ...the sad thing is, that women are FAR more judgmental than men are when it comes to looks. And what I felt last night was an absolute hatred toward myself - of everything that I am.

    For the past 3 years I have lost all interest in so many of the things I loved to do, and most of the time I feel like a robot. So last night I wrote down a note saying simply "1 year " and placed it on my bedside table. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have 1 year left to live. The odd thing, is that within 2 hours of accepting that time frame, much of my worries about my hair diminished. So much of what I want and always wanted to do with my life NEVER involved my hair. The key now is to go and do those things, and not give my hair too much power over me.

    In October I am going to go see Dov in NYC for the first time and see what he has to say.

    Anyway, thanks for reading.

    Luc30 (I'm 33 now)
  2. ForeverBlue

    ForeverBlue New Member


    I can totally relate to your story. Thyroid meds made my hair start falling out, and it has never stopped ( or grew back ). I have so much anger that a medication that was suppose to help me, ended up making me lose my hair. I feel suicidal every day of my life, and have been in a deep depression since this all started. It got so bad a few times, I had to be hospitalized so I wouldn't hurt myself. It's been a nightmare for me.

    I no longer have an interest in, or enjoy anything anymore. I just exist every day. I feel like a robot also. It makes me sad to read about your feelings because I know how awful it is to live like this.

    If you ever need to chat, let me know. I have learned that only somebody who has been through this, can understand how we feel. Others just don't get it.

    Take care :>