life's biggest disappointment

Discussion in 'Rants and Venting' started by tabbi1019, Apr 5, 2010.

  1. tabbi1019

    tabbi1019 New Member

    This is my first post and I really just wanted to complain to someone who can understand. No one that I know with the exception of my mother knows what it's like to loose your hair and what a huge impact it has on your self esteem or your whole life. I started loosing my hair at around 17 years old but it didn't matter because I had so much and slowly off and on over the years I pretty much have nothing left. It has caused depression and anger, and I didn't even know where all that stemmed from. I notice especially now when someone is talking to me they talk to be like a large breasted woman, only they are staring at my head with no hair on it. I am a very outgoing person with a great job, on the intelligent side - I have 3 great kids. Life for me should be ok, but I feel like crap. I HATE what I look like and I especially hate looking in the mirror. I don't like to go out in the sunshine for fear of what ppl will say or think and I don't like to go out at night for fear of flouescant lighting. I have ruined a couple of great relationships because of my anger I guess towards life, I take it out on the people close to me. That's not who I am though, I'm not an angry bitter person inside. Maybe I don't love myself and therefore I don't think anyone else should love me either. Who know's, I hope that I can either find peace with myself or a cure for the horridness. Maybe someday both.
  2. ForeverBlue

    ForeverBlue New Member

    Hello....

    I have the same depression and anger as you. I have nobody in my life anymore, because i've pushed them all away. I use to just be depressed ( still am ), and cry all day, every day. Lately i've been becoming very violent, which is not like me at all. I scream, throw things, punch walls, and sometimes just want to break everything i can get my hands on.

    I'm so angry that this has happened to me. I often think about what it was that i did to deserve this. I'm angry because i no longer leave my house, and have to watch people keep living their lives from my window. I'm angry because everybody has abandoned me since all this happened. They got tired of being around a depressed, angry person. And i'm really angry about the lack of compassion that family, friends, and doctors have for people going through this.

    I wish i knew the answer, but i have totally lost the will to live. You have 3 children who need you, so you have a reason to get up every day. That's important. It helps if you have a reason to accept what has happened, and try to move on.

    Talking about it seems to help a lot of people. It just makes me feel more depressed. I guess, i've just been dealing with too long. Don't even want to think about it any more. I'm so tired of it consuming my thoughts 24/7.

    I always figure that there are only 2 choices. You either accept it, and move on, or choose to be miserable the rest of your life. I can't accept it, so i guess i know what the rest of my life will be like. My hope for you, is that you will be able to move on. I grew up with no mother, so i can honestly tell you, your children need you to be there for them. I can only imagine how hard it is to take care of children, when you feel so angry and depressed. I can't even take care of myself anymore, so i'm thankful every day, i'm not responsible for anyone else.

    Maybe a wig would give you more self esteem. I've seen some pretty nice ones ( even though they cost way too much ). I guess one can't put a price on self worth.

    Take care <<<Hug>>>
  3. tabbi1019

    tabbi1019 New Member

    Dear Forever Blue,

    You broke my heart. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I know you probably don't want to hear this but maybe coming from someone who shares the same feelings as you it might be received better, happiness is a choice and life is a gift whether you have hair or not. YOU have the power to control your destiny no matter what cards you have been dealt. I was completely honest in my post - those feeling of anger, depression and frustration are real but they come and go and I'm trying so hard to get past them because I realized that I am beautiful and smart and funny and all those things that I want to be and I was or still am holding myself back from experiencing LIFE. You are all those things too - beautiful, smart, funny, intelligent- you need to believe it yourself. Your friends and family all know this about you and THEY believe it. Don't give up on yourself, trust me this is hard, but try it for a month - look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful (outloud). You have strength inside you, I can tell because your still here.... ~~~hugs~~~
    Tabbi
  4. seashore

    seashore New Member

    Tabbi1019

    I am a single woman over 50 who has moderate to severe hair loss ( according to those hair loss scales). I have been keeping a stiff upper lip since diagnosis but am losing it now. The extent of my hair loss was hidden by a thin veneer of hair. I took pix today of the back of my head when I had it on top of my head and - no hair! Just fuzzy!

    Oh boy, I stayed in today (and yesterday). I did go rent a movie and but wore a little knit beret. Yes, I'm getting into hats; unfortunately, it's so hot here I look kinda ridiculous. Anyway, I'm feeling blue and angry because I can't control the situation. I had many years with thick wonderful hair; I face 30 more years of thick, wonderful - wigs! I'm usually a glass half empty kind of woman, so I've got to work real hard to be positive. I admire your looking at your situation from a more positive perspective. If you have anything to share as to what has helped you, please do.
  5. mopy

    mopy New Member

    Hello,

    This is the first time I vented on this site. I used to have beautiful thick curly black hair until I was diagnosed with cicatricial alopecia. Cicatricial alopecia is a follicle death sentance.

    The first alopecia location was about the size of a dime then to a quarter then to a half dollar and now even larger. I used to be able to use toppik and dermmatch but that's no longer an option. I now use a topper.

    I also deal with a very rare hereditary disease which has no treatment or cure but use treatment used for cancer or skin issues. It's tough dealing with my hereditary disease but I do have to say hairloss is harder. All I hear from the derms when I see them is my hereditary is a very bad case and difficult to treat and the same with the alopecia.

    Scientists have discovered that the body doesn't matobilze fat and sugar properly which causes inflammation to the hair follicle and then destroys it. They discovered that actos, type ii diatetes drug, works to matobolize fat and sugar properly and then haults the disease. I learned about this last summer and pushed my derm to let me try it but would't until he read some reports so I had to contact scientists to have them forward me the reports. I finally got the reports and my doctor read them and was convinced. I started actos in January 2010 but by that time it was too late. I don't understand doctors these days. I guarantee if I was my doctor's wife, daughter, mother or grandmother he would have had me on the drug when the word got out and I would still have hair.

    This has made me depressed and angry. I used to be a very active person and now all I want to do is hide because I feel like people are looking at me when I'm out in the public. My husband isn't supportive and tells me there are worse things in life and it's just hair. I wish I could find one person that understands that it is more than just hair. Hair is a part of a person's identity and when it's taken away so is a part of them. Not only has my identity been ripped away but so has my self esteem. I wouldn't care if I was male and lost all my hair because being a bald male is acceptable. There is something funny about this though. My doctor wants me to take something for depression. I'd like to know how a pill can make me feel happy about hairloss. Boy, we'd all be in line for those, whouldn't we?

    I no longer pray that this will all stop, but now pray for strength.
  6. Lavinia

    Lavinia New Member

    There is no anything to do with it..

    This hair loss thing has started when i was 16-17.My grandmother and my uncles were kidding with me about that they were seeing the skin of my head.But it was not that much hair loss at those days and i didnt mind those talkings too much.

    Now im 22 and im still loosing my hairs.I have to go to university everyday. dont have a chance to stay at home whole the day and week and just stay by myself.Actually this is all i want..

    My department is public relations .I have to be in connection with people to work very well.But whenever even i talk to my friends they are just staring at my top of head and making me cry insidely.
    Also this feeling is making me angry to all people.Im just saying is this (having hairs) all you care about people!?

    This is summer time.Im still going to university.And the bad news sunshine is always anywhere i go..
    At night flouracents are everywhere .

    This is not all i want to tell.
    I have a boyfriend for 10 months.And i lied him about my hair loss.I said i had to make the top of my hairs look like bald because my doctor made something on my head.Now 9 months passed and i still dont have enough hairs on my head.He is wondering normally.
    Im in a big trouble.
    I dont want to live with this bad feeling but the only thing i tell to myself is
    there is no anything to do with it..
  7. SadKitty

    SadKitty New Member

    This thread breaks my heart. Since I am "old" and just coming into the shame of having my scalp showing no matter how I style my hair, to read that this happens to young people makes me feel so angry for you. For they say "your hair is your crowning glory" and we all have to come to the knowledge that it won't be, for us, not unless we find a miracle. But it shouldn't be a shame! We didn't do anything wrong! We know more about what makes hair grow than most people!

    So change your life - find a new rhythm, a new style that works for you, a signature hat, one of those cool bonded toppers you change each month, whatever you need to do to get back to living and becoming the person you were intended to be. This is NOT going to define your life. I just know it. But I have to recommend you not spend tons of money flying around the world to see Doctors and try new treatments...leave that to the rich people and when THEY find the answer, maybe we can all use that information for ourselves someday.

    I think you are all wonderful and brave.