My story - looking for support

Discussion in 'You've Got My Support' started by tianaa, Sep 17, 2013.

  1. tianaa

    tianaa New Member

    Hello everyone,

    I am just in the beginning stages of my hair loss journey but I have dealt with androgenetic alopecia my whole life through my beautiful mother. She began losing her hair at the same age as me, and 30 years ago there was practically nothing to help her. She is now almost completely bald and has been wearing a hair piece for about 20 years.

    Growing up, I never worried or thought twice about hair loss, seeing mommy's wigs in her room or watching her take them off at night. I knew it was always to be kept secret and if anyone ever asked, that was her real hair. I would always encourage her to tell people and wonder what the big deal was, "it's just hair". Ya, its just hair when you have a thick, full head of it. But as soon as it starts to thin and you begin to lose it, it is the most precious thing in the world.

    I had noticed my hair beginning to thin about 3 years ago, nothing extreme.. so I did not stress too much about it. Still having hair and growing up with my mom.. it still did not bother me much and I always had the "who cares" attitude towards it, it was inevitable wasn't it? Now that I am 22 and my thinning has progressed to the stage where I have to conceal it a bit, my attitude has completely changed.

    I have always been a confident, outgoing, fun loving person.. and I still am. But some days I feel uglier when I step out of the shower and look in the mirror at my thinning hair. My self-esteem has lowered somewhat, I get nervous when the wind blows through my hair, I am hesitant to swim in front of people I don't know because of how my hair looks when its wet. Being newly single, I stress and worry if I will find someone who will accept my thinning hair and still find me beautiful once its all gone. I am turning into someone I've never been, all because of hair.

    I have started somewhat of a regimen on my own. Although androgenetic alopecia is genetic and there is a 99.9% chance I inherited from my mother, I do believe starting the birth control pill at 18 may have kicked it into gear. However, stopping the pill only makes it much worse so I am prisoner to it. I have had unpleasant visits to doctors and dermatologists, one of which told me I have "male pattern baldness"... I guess he did not realize I was a beautiful female. All the others prescribe Rogaine without looking twice, which I am hesitant to use but highly considering since I still have a considerable amount of hair and it may help to salvage the thinning hair I have on the front and top of my scalp. I also use Nizoral shampoo to help with inflammation and recently purchased the laser comb, but it is too early to report any results.

    I guess I am just looking for support and being able to talk to others going through this who have more experience and knowledge than I do. I have confided in my best friend and she is very supportive, but its just not the same talking to someone who has a full head of hair and does not know what this experience feels like. I'm also looking for any recommendations, tips, and advice anyone can give, as I am in the early stages of thinning and am possibly quite able at prolonging this. My mom is very supportive, but experiencing her loss 30 years ago and being almost completely bald now she is not up to date on the newest techniques or advancements or what REALLY works.

    Some days I kinda just wish I will wake up completely bald and be able to start wearing a wig right away, because I know thats what my future holds. The whole process of slowly thinning is traumatizing and I wish I could avoid it. I thank God that it is not a life threatening disease and that I am healthy and alive, but every woman experiencing this loss can agree that it is absolutely life changing and heart breaking.

    Thanks for listening,

  2. rhondafigg

    rhondafigg New Member

    It's so sad, isn't it, Tianna? I have been struggling with what has recently become a much quicker hair loss situation. I think we all feel helpless. I just don't want to be HOPEless.

    I remember as a little girl (with a ponytail as thick as my own arm) looking up at my mother and blurting out "I can see your whole scalp!" I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, I had never noticed, and I was a bit shocked. She seemed to take it in stride, but I would fall apart if a child said that to me now. She claims that she "never thinks about it" that possible?

    It's interesting to hear about your mother's secret - it seems like she found a way to cope and make the best of it. I wish I was there. I am more in a hopefully observing my scalp with a hand mirror stage. Maybe I should just start wearing a head wrap.

    I have been talking hair loss with the ladies I work with. It's like the floodgates are opening. We are all in mourning (ages 93-26!)

    I want there to be some acceptable, even beautiful way to be a balding woman. But I don't want to accept that I am a balding woman!

    Look over there at Angela in the network members list with the shaved head. She looks great!

    Do you think we can accept hair loss and fight it at the same time?

    No solutions here - just commiserating!
  3. efie30

    efie30 New Member

    Hi, Tianna! I am 42 and have a similar story. I was never thick-haired, but started shedding due to "male patterned baldness" at 19. I've had comments from boyfriends about my "weird hair" and suggestions from friends that I get "extensions" when I got married. (Like extensions hide a bald crown.)

    I have swung from complete denial to depression (just shave it now). I am now happily in the middle. I am married with 3 kids now. I am shopping hair toppers and have told everyone I love about it. Either they don't care or just are happy that I doing something that makes me happy.

    What I most worry about is passing this on to my daughters, so I hope to set a good example for them - get to the doctors to rule out something serious or treatable, stay healthy, then just deal with a smile surrounded by people who love you.

    It has taken me 20 years to get here, but I hope this post saves you some time fretting over nothing. You have done nothing wrong. You are beautiful. Use today's technology - spiro, vitamins, shampoos, powders, light hair pieces, whatever - to your advantage and love. your. life.