my story - new here! This is long.,. I need to get it out!

Discussion in 'You've Got My Support' started by CookieK, Sep 7, 2013.

  1. CookieK

    CookieK New Member

    Almost one year ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It has been such a crazy year.

    During pregnancy, I had the typical beautiful pregnancy hair. I started growing it long because my fiance always wanted me to have long hair, but it was never nice enough to go very far past my shoulders. This lasted until about 4 months postpartum, and my hair started falling out. Fine.. I knew this would happen... happens to all moms. Surprisingly, even though it was falling out, my hair texture was fantastic, so still kept it long. The hair loss stopped, and I didn't even give it a second thought. Then, when my boy was about 7 months old, it started falling out like crazy. There was hair everywhere. In the carpet, sinks, all over the floors... In the shower, I could just pull it out like ropes - it was just never ending. I was concerned, but again, I thought it was normal after having a baby. I thought maybe I got off easy before, and now it was just catching up with me. But it didn't stop. I started getting bald patches. It started affecting my moods, my life.

    Finally I went to the doctor, expecting her to tell me it was normal, but she did send me for blood tests to check thyroid and iron levels. This started off my summer of medical appointments. All came back normal except my liver function. She sent me for more blood work and an ultrasound just to check. She said if there was something wrong with my liver, it probably isn't related to the hair loss, so she would send me to a dermatologist, but the wait was another month. I went for the ultrasound, and I got a call from the doctor the very next day with the results. There are lumps on my liver. Lumps. LUMPS... The doctor expected them to be benign, but she scheduled a CT scan to rule out anything more serious. She said it could be cancer. The CT would be in a couple weeks. I drove home, my sister was with me and she was crying. I held it together. I think I was in shock. After I dropped her off, my fiance called and I lost it. I quickly hung up on him because I wanted to tell him in person. The drive from my sister's house to my house was only a few minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. How could this be happening? How do I tell him? How can I be sick? We just bought a house, I can't afford medical leave. Who is going to help me with my son? What if I die??

    I got home, crying. He was concerned and I looked at him and our son and I said, I am fine! There is no way this is happening to us. Lets not talk about it again until the results of the scan are in. I tried to be strong. I bottled everything up in those two weeks. It was so hard. Finally went for the scan, and again they called the very next day with the results. My heart sank. I thought if it was good news, they wouldn't have called so fast. They wouldn't be asking me to come in on a weekend. I couldn't get in to see the doctor until the next day. I would not have told my mom that there results were back so soon, but she was there when the office called. I felt horrible. How could I do this to my mom, to my son, to my love? I kept it together for my mom, because I could tell she was worried sick. More things bottling up inside. I took her with me to the doctor's office. The doctor hadn't even read the results when we got there. We had to sit and watch him read. I wanted to shake him, to punch him, to scream! but I sat there fake-smiling at my mom. Finally, he said the lumps are believed to be benign! Finally! The weight lifted. I truly smiled for the first time in weeks. I left the office happy. My hair was still falling out. I don't care anymore, I really don't!

    A few days later, I was feeling pretty drafty. I knew my hair was thin at the back, but it felt different. I took a picture of the back of my head and I lost my mind! Again! There is was - my first visible bald spot. All the others had been easily concealed under my hair. This one was the top of my head. I texted my sister - how long have I had this bald spot?! she said she only noticed it a few days ago. I called my fiance and got so mad at him. Why didn't he tell me? Why is he always telling me it is fine, when it is clearly not fine? My mom came over, and I was crying. I told her I need to get a wig. She was so worried. I looked at her, and I remembered everything I had put her through the past few weeks. It was tearing her up, I could see it. For the first time, I realized this wasn't just happening to me. I need to be strong. For the first time I actually FELT strong. I reminded myself I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. I HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME. I was done feeling sorry for myself.

    So, I finally saw the dematologist. He said I have alopecia areata. I started cortisone injections, and topical steroids. It's only been a month. I have had two rounds of injections, and going again this monday. I think I will stop. Nothing is happening. My hair is still falling out just as bad as it was before starting these treatments. I feel it is pointless. I am on the waiting list to see a naturopath. I will see what she says, thinks. I will see. I am going back to work in just over a week. I have a wig, but honestly I feel a little goofy wearing it. But I am a CPA and while image isn't everything, I think it is important. I am not ready to show off my shiny scalp to my employees and to my clients. Not yet. I'm not sure what else to do. I am ok with losing my hair. I am ok that it is frustrating and there are so many unknowns. I think I am ok anyway!

    Thats all I have. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!
    PriyaBadlani23 likes this.
  2. Applecider

    Applecider New Member

    Hi,

    I am so glad that your results came back about your liver as positive. I hope that there will be a solution to your hair loss. Personally I have tried to change things in my lifestyle that I think May affect hair loss eg reducing refine sugar and processed foods in my diet as well. I think that hair loss is showing me that something needs to be changed.

    Keep us updated on your progress

    :) good luck :)