One year in, still depressed

Discussion in 'Rants and Venting' started by Brokendown, Feb 11, 2015.

  1. Brokendown

    Brokendown New Member

    My long long hair fell out after illness one year ago (March 2014). I no longer look like a scalped scarecrow but it is still hideously short. I realize that I have been depressed about my hair for a whole year. Two wigs later, I hate myself so much I can't even cry about it anymore. I am unemployed, I rely on my family for money. I am too tired to live, I am too tired to die. Not only am struggling with the ugliness of short hair and the psychology attached to it (thanks for that mom) but my new hair has grown back 95% grey and coarse as hell.

    I cannot leave the house.

    I lied about being unable to cry. I cry every single day. I am crying now.
  2. ghad7weyyuw

    ghad7weyyuw New Member

    What is you current diet ?

    Are you following a supplement regimen ?

    Could you be anemic, based on the fatigue you have ?
  3. Brokendown

    Brokendown New Member

    My diet is fine, I am not anemic, I am depressed.
  4. JenniferR

    JenniferR New Member

    Hello Brokendown,

    It's been a year for me too and I haven't been on here in a while because thinking about things too much tends to make me depressed.
    I kind of fluctuate with being able to rise above it and tell myself that I won't let this ruin my life even though I only have 20% of the hair I had a year ago and it's still falling out (and not regrowing AT ALL- nothing). I'm encouraged that your hair is growing back in! I know that it's slow, but that's hope to cling to.

    I actually lost hope and tried to commit suicide I was at such a low point. My friends left me, no one understood. One of the best things I did was to begin to serve others and get out- even join a group for people with depression. Being a nurse I see people all the time that have difficulties in life so much worse than I do (which made me feel guilty about making a bid deal in my mind about my hair). But, being able to make a difference for others, even bringing a meal to my neighbors, and not obsessively thinking about my hair has helped tremendously. I am not always successful with doing this or having a good attitude since this feels like such a cosmic joke of a hand to be dealt. I just got to a point where I couldn't function for months and had to decide that even if I was completely bald I HAD to move on because this is no way to live. I'm encouraged that people on here have found ways to continue to live despite the loss of their hair. My hair meant SO much to me, I felt like even more than a normal person since I got compliments daily on it, so it has literally felt like a humiliating death and slow psychological torture even as more falls out everyday without being replaced. I have already let it almost destroy me and I can't let it do that anymore. Don't let it destroy you too. I'm speaking that because I need to hear it too. I wanted to be able to post something or anything good after a year about my hair, but I can't. All I can post is that I am here, I am alive, and that is amazing. I've lost most of my hair and never would have thought I would have lived through it, but I have. I don't want to just survive anymore, I want to thrive as much as I am able despite this.
    Have you heard of NAMI or CBT? They have groups that meet all over the country where people can relate to depression and it sounds like you are a point where you are not getting out and it is really interfering with your life. I've been there and groups like this really helped me. I also realized there are many people that I love and am thankful for in this world and it's not because of their hair or lack there of- it's because of their heart. The same for us and everyone else.
    It took me a long time and required many different methods to begin to get myself out of the horrible hole I was in. The first thing I did was find something I liked to do like crafts, then going to support groups, I went to counseling (a lot), joined a group at church, started volunteering, and slowly life started getting better even though my hair had not. Don't let this destroy you. We need to encourage each other not to give up. Let us know how you are doing and maybe challenge yourself to take a step out and engage in life again.
    Brokendown likes this.
  5. petey3

    petey3 Member

    I too am one year into my hair loss journey. Everyone keeps telling me that they don't see it or "it's not that bad." I know it is. I keep looking back to the way it used to be. I am scared. I don't have any answers. All my tests are "normal". Two different dermatologists are leaning towards androgenic alopecia. My family doctor thinks it's stress and want me to consider medication and counciling. My OBGYN thinks it might be perimenopause. What?! I just turned 40 this year! All of this started with a change in birth control pills and has spiraled since. How did this happen? Why is this happening? How could it all happen so fast? I too spend hours obsessing over it and withdrawing from life. My husband is worried and sometimes I have caught myself thinking I would rather die than go "bald". I am so jealous of the "other" 60% of women who have never gone through this. Does anyone else go through cycles of anger and despair? I feel like I'm losing my mind!
    Blouses and Brokendown like this.
  6. Brokendown

    Brokendown New Member

    Thanks so much for your replies. I have had such low self esteem all my life that this hair issue has pushed me over the ugly edge. I feel your pain intensely; your anger; your helplessness, hopelessness. People don't know what to do or say, I have to forgive them for that because what can they do? I am so angry, really, more than anything. I am angry that the world that supposedly helps women charges the freaking earth for wigs and extensions and anything that could help even cosmetically. It's good to get it all out with people who have been there. Seen it. Are still feeling it. Thank you for your support and love and I am here for you too!
  7. Mynettnett

    Mynettnett New Member

    In 2009 my long hair started to come out, in 2010 I had blood work done and was told I suffered from Graves Disease. It was very hard because Ive always had a complex about my forhead and skin. But at this point I had no other options, I allowed my hairdresser to cut of what little hair that remained and my hair was in a small fro. The dr told me my hair would never be the same. I had never felt so sad.

    1) Have blood work done. Tell then to check your thyriod levels, kidneys function....chck everything they can think of.

    It has been an emotional journey and the hardest part is letting go of what 'use to be'. I personal had to humble myself because people around me were fighting bigger battles (cancer, stroke,p etc) and there I was worried about something that was small...my hair...which my cousin would have traded places with me over chemo. Ive worn wigs and weaves. They served a purpose and I enjoyed the available options. However , I have learned to embrace the natural state of my hair, which is not as thick or long as it use to be. Dont get me wrong, I relapse on occassions, missing my hair, but I snap out of it quick.

    I challenge each of you to 'EMBRACE' your beauty. India Arie said it best 'I am not my hair'. Go to a stylist and try a new style/cut...Pix cuts are in and even Im think about it because my hair gets to a certain length and stop. Look at pics, consider something new for the new you.

    It is my prayer that you find peace and love yourself and your beauty...its there...you just dont see (((hugs)).
  8. Mynettnett

    Mynettnett New Member

    Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Pain is what the world does to you, suffering is what you do to yourself.
  9. Brokendown

    Brokendown New Member

    Thank you for your reply. I am glad you can embrace your inner beauty. I cannot. If you had read my first message you would have seen that my hair loss is a result of illness. To me a pixie cut is fine if you're 20 and pretty. After that, it looks awful. I have been depressed for a YEAR and it is still ongoing. Telling me to 'cheer up' is not going to help.
  10. Mynettnett

    Mynettnett New Member

    My hair loss is a result if illness so I get it. I would suggest you seek help to help get you thru your pain. No I dont know you but Im sure you are amazing and beautiful you just dont see it. ((HUGs)) and I truly hope you reach out to a friend, family or a professional to help you thru this.
    Brokendown likes this.
  11. Mynettnett

    Mynettnett New Member

  12. Brokendown

    Brokendown New Member

    None of them can give me back my long, long hair. No one told me that my hair would fall out as a side-effect so after being so sick, the shock of it was worse than having 8 hour surgery and a month in hospital. It was worse than all of it put together. People don't really know what to do or say, as I said, I cannot afford hair extensions and I am tired of wigs. I am tired of feeling ugly. However, I am also tired of being miserable! Thank you Mynettnett for being supportive and being here. You are a beautiful ray of light and I wish you all the love and happiness in the world xo
  13. Mynettnett

    Mynettnett New Member

    And I know you are a beautiful ray of light. I will keep you in my prayers and hope one day you will know you are beauiful because you are a creation of GOD. ((Hugs)))
  14. Rusty1982

    Rusty1982 New Member

    How are you doing these days? Although my hair loss isn't due to an illness but hereditary I feel depressed, anxious... Wonder if my life is worth this knot I constantly have. Paranoid every second even when I'm alone. Stare at my scalp in the mirror for hours a day. I use toppik and just recently got hair extentions hoping for a miracle. But have found my self more anxious cause I'm scared the extensions are ripping out the little hair I do have and that I don't have enough hair to hide the powder or the extensions. So I feel your pain with the depression. And if you find a miracle please let me know