Please help me.. absolutely devastated

Discussion in 'Looking For Advice (my story)' started by accalarentia, May 16, 2018.

  1. accalarentia

    accalarentia New Member

    Hello everybody,

    To be honest, I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess I’m just looking for an outlet and this is the first forum that I found when my whole ordeal started 5 years ago. I’ve now reached a point where I’m at a loss for words. I am so frustrated, sad, angry and confused all at the same time. I just don’t know what to think, do or say anymore.

    My personal nightmare started in April 2013. It’s hard to imagine that this is already 5 years ago, but to me it just seems like yesterday. Living with this condition has made my life hell - and time goes by fast when you’re constantly looking forward to this finally ending.

    Up until April 2013 I had the most beautiful hair: Thick, healthy, shiny. slightly wavy and down to my hips. I loved styling my hair with fishtail, dutch, french and rope braids and all the other fun styles you can do with long hair like that. That year I had my high school graduation, so I was already looking forward to prom in July… of course, I already had the dress, make up and hairstyle all picked out. I wanted to wear my hair open so I decided to make an appointment at the hairdresser because my ends were a bit dry. (but no split ends!)

    So I went to the hairdresser on the 5th of April and told the lady to cut about an inch off. Well, instead of 1 inch she ended up chopping away about 20 inches off my hair. My hair went down to my hips and after that appointment it hardly even touched my shoulders. 1.5 months before prom!!!!! I was absolutely devastated and cried every day for about 2 weeks.

    Next, I had an appointment at the gynecologist and was prescribed an anti-androgenic birth control pill to clear up my skin. I started taking the pill on the 29th of April. All throughout May I then had to take my final high school exams which I guess are somewhat comparable to SAT and ACT tests. In any case, I had to study quite a bit for them.

    Then came June and all hell broke loose. One day I was sitting at my desk and was wearing a ponytail at the time. Suddenly I saw hairs hanging down from my ponytail - they were lose because they had already fallen out and I could easily pull them out of the bottom of the ponytail. This had never ever happened to me before. I was never a shedder: Even though I had long hair, I would never find hairs stuck on my clothing. When I used to comb my hair, I never lost any hairs in the process. (Maybe 1) The only time I lost hair was in the shower, when I washed my hair once or twice a week. And then there were about 30 hairs in the sieve, at most.

    So I was really confused that there were hairs hanging down from my ponytail, but I did not further care. It was only when I opened up the ponytail that I also noticed a huge change in texture. My hair didn’t feel soft and silky, but dry and brittle. The big shock came during a wash, there was hair EVERYWHERE. Hundreds and hundreds of hairs.

    I freaked out and tried to figure out what was happening to me. It didn’t take long to find a connection between birth control and hair loss. So after roughly 2 months I stopped taking the birth control pill. I guess it would have been better to ride out the TE on the pill because after stopping, everything got even worse.

    I ran from one doctor to the next, getting all the blood work done and searching for answers. But other than an iron deficiency there was nothing wrong with me. To make matters even worse, I also started to develop severe psoriasis on my scalp.

    Since 2013 I have tried taking all kinds of vitamins and supplements (zinc, biotin, amino acids, vitamin d, vitamin b etc.) and I’ve been taking iron supplements. There is nothing wrong with my thyroid and my hormones came back normally, too.

    And yet my hair loss has not slowed down or showed any signs of stopping since 2013. It’s now been going on continuously for 5 years without ever getting worse or better. The shedding is diffuse with the sides hit the hardest. Weirdly enough my hair always kept growing throughout the years. My part hasn’t really changed all that much, but my lengths are completely thinned out. Also, nobody in my family has any issues with hair loss.

    I just don’t have any strength left. My theory is that the birth control pill reset my hair cycle or something and my body just can’t get it back to normal anymore. To make everything even worse, I started noticing a couple of grey hairs two years ago. So besides chronic hair shedding and psoriasis, I also get to deal with premature greying.

    I’ve been studying for the last 4 years, so it was easy to at least somewhat ignore the hair issue due to all the other things I had to focus on. But right now I’m in the middle of a gap year and not very busy. I just can’t take this anymore. Every day I’m losing a bit more of my sanity and getting a step closer to suicide. I just want to live a normal life again.

    Is there any hope?
    Or will I be stuck with this for the rest of my life?