Spousal support?

Discussion in 'Rants and Venting' started by Gigi31, May 31, 2009.

  1. Gigi31

    Gigi31 New Member

    I love this site. It's so good to hear that what I'm thinking and feeling is already voiced and shared by so many women before me. Thank you!

    Here's the thing - I'm very new to this as I have only started to notice the thinning on top of my head within the last two months. I dread taking a shower and seeing my hair on my hands. Somehow I want to save them so that I can glue them back on!! :D Sadly, I let them go and watch them flow freely with the water down the drain.

    Yesterday, I was watching a previous posting of a MTV real life story of Rebecca - a college girl who has alopecia. I was so moved by it that I couldn't help myself, but I started to cry. When I was able to calm down, I turned towards my husband (he didn't know what I was watching since I was wearing headphones and I also have a cold; hence the sniffles) and said to him, "I wonder if I could cut my hair really short like yours. You know, when I'm really balding?" He then says to me, "We're still talking about this?" He says this while still playing his video game on his computer. For some reason, I got so pissed off. I couldn't believe what he just said. Ladies, don't get me wrong about my husband, he's a great guy, wonderful father, and he loves me dearly. However, I realized at that moment, I don't think I can talk to my husband again about this problem of mine and I just felt so heartbroken. He is supposed to be my rock and my support. But when he said "We're still talking about this?", I felt betrayed. Am I crazy? Am I overreacting?

    I cried and told him to not worry; that I won't talk to him about it anymore. Heartbroken. That's all.

    He tried to talk to me afterwards, but I was just so upset. He said that he doesn't see any balding on my head and that I'm thinking too much about it. He doesn't care about me losing my hair because he'll love me no matter what; that if I lose my hair, I could just wear a wig if I want.

    Are you kidding me? He just doesn't get it. Now after thinking about this overnight and pretty much most of today, I realized what got me so mad. He doesn't understand that this issue of mine, is not about him. It's about me. That when I asked him about "cutting my hair" like him, I was really wanting him to say something along the lines of "sure honey, I think you'll look great no matter what." Men! I know, I know. I need to tell him this revelation of mine.

    Emotional roller coaster. That's what I'm on right now. I just wish I wasn't tall enough to get on the ride. Thanks for listening.
  2. kawawa

    kawawa New Member

    This has been my observation. Men in general do not really understand this and will be the very last person in our world to notice the Hairloss. They do not want us to speak negative about ourself, because they see us how they want to see us, not how we see ourselves.

    Cut you hair when you think that you need to do it and he will love you anyway, don't worry about that. Men can't generally give us the emotional support that we need and that is why we have this website.

    Men seems to be solution orientated and if they can't fix it they get frustrated and can't be of much help emotionally.

    One day I realized that I could not hide my balding any longer. I called my husband crying and all he said was " surely you know that I would never deny you in your time of need, so do what you have to do to make this right for you" My husband did not blink an eye when I got my topper and not one time did he ever mention or seem to notice my bald head prior to that.

    I think we should let them see us like they want to see us. I really believe that most men just want us to be happy.

    Take CAre
  3. Marilyn

    Marilyn New Member

    Gigi, I had a really similar experience recently. I told my boyfriend the other day, "you know I'm going to get a wig soon, don't you?" Just like you, I was hoping for "Okay. I'll love you no matter how you look" but didn't get it. He pushed me to search for more treatment options and see another doctor. That's really the last thing I feel like doing at this point, and it really hurt me that he didn't give me the kind of support I wanted.

    I guess I can't offer you any tips, just understanding. =) I plan on following Kawawa's advice and doing what I need to do to be happy. I think she's probably right that your husband (and my bf) just want to help, but since they don't know how, they're at a loss with what to do with us. I hope you can talk to your husband and work things out.
  4. Gigi31

    Gigi31 New Member

    Thanks Kawawa and Marilyn. You're both right. Guys just don't get it. Or at least most of them don't. Since the argument, I've actually noticed that I don't think of it as much as before. I used to think about my hairloss just about 99% of the time, but now, I think it's down to 50%. It's actually a relief and I feel better about it. I'm just sending out lots of prayers for strength and I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone. :)