Young and losing my hair, heartbreaking

Discussion in 'Open Topic (General)' started by willows, Feb 11, 2013.

  1. willows

    willows New Member

    I'm new to this website and after looking at my hair in the mirror this morning I have hit rock bottom. I am a 21 year old female (obviously) and my hair loss began to become noticeable to me around September last year (2012). Before then my hair was fairly long, fine in texture but not thin, I had no noticeable thin areas and it was easy to style and manageable.

    For the past 2 months in particular I have been in total despair about my hair. I was perfectly happy until the age of aound 19, when I started to develop quite bad acne, for more than 2 years my life was controlled by the condition of my skin until I was finally prescribed roaccutane. I was on roaccutane at 60mg a day for 5 months completing my course towards the end of September. Throughout suffering from acne I happy with one thing (my hair) because I could still make an effort to look nice and make myself feel ever so slightly better about my situation. I suffered from crippling depression and had several sick notes for work over the two and a half years, I would just sit in bed and check the mirror every half an hour. I despised myself completely. Throughout this I remained in a relationship with my boyfriend of now nearly 4 years, but he was totally unaware of the severity of my situation, the relationship couldn't progress because I didn't feel comfortable enough without my makeup on and was terrified of him seeing me when I wasn't made up. He met me when I was my happiest, before I had acne and I was the happiest I'd ever felt within myself. So naturally I was embarassed and felt that he would find me repulsive if he knew how bad it was.

    Finishing my roaccutane I finally felt free again like I could now make up for the 2+ years of my life that had been taken away from me because of acne. I looked forward to spending weekends with my boyfriend without having to worry about my skin condition and just get to that comfortable point in the relationship. I was nearly there and that is when my hair loss started. I have never been able to totally let myself go with my boyfriend, we will have been together 4 years this november but it still feels like the early stages of a relationship because of how I am. Because I only ever stayed over at his house when my skin was clear and I felt confident. Now my hair is getting so thin I can't even stand looking at myself in the mirror and my life is now controlled by another confidence crippling condition.

    Now I am trying to desperately to hide this from my boyfriend. I feel embarassed and ashamed, he won't want to be with someone who has the hair of someone more than twice my age. Many people would say that is shallow and why would I want to be with someone who wouldnt accept me as I am.. but as much as people like to disagree, physical attraction is a major contribution to relationships and this is why it's becoming so hard for me. I got with him when I felt so great about myself and now i'm starting to feel every day i'm just totally out of his league with every hair that falls out. He has no idea I am going through this unless he has noticed but doesn't want to say, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.

    I feel embarrassed to speak to any of my friends about it because I just can't stand for them to look at me and pity me for going through this. But I fear that as time goes on, very soon it will become apparent to them. I've had comments that my hair is noticeably thinner from people at work, and from my mum. I can no longer tie my hair back because it is so thin, the only way I can style my hair is straight and with extensions in (which are becoming harder and harder to conceal).

    I'm at university studying beauty therapy management and I should feel like the world is my oyster. I feel like everyone else my age is thriving and loving life and I'm having to deal with these things that nobody else around me is. I just want to be happy, in life and within my self. I also feel like how can I enter into this industry which is based on appearance and beauty when I look and feel the way that I do. Some days I feel like giving up the course, today I was getting ready to head off to my lecture and tried to style my hair and just gave up in floods of tears, put my pyjamas back on and cried in bed. But all i want to do is lay in bed away from everyone else.

    I am so inlove with my boyfriend, I love him with all my heart but I just feel like I can't be with him because very soon it's going to become apparent how bad my hair loss is. I should be going away on holidays with him, staying at his for the weekend and feeling totally comfortable with him. It's all i want. I'm so devastated at the fact that I just know it wont happen.

    I realise that my hair loss may be linked to the roaccutane that I was prescibed, and that telogen effluvium is a side effect which means the hair will often grow back. Meanwhile my hair is looking like the early stages of female pattern hair loss. When I look above my head in the mirror, scalp is clearly visible and all I can do is cry.

    I know there is probably nothing I can do, but I just feel so lost it is unbearable.
  2. Debbad

    Debbad New Member

    Hi willows welcome to the posts , sorry you need to be here and are going through this . Somehow it helps to know that you are not the only one suffering from this . Everyone on this sight feels your pain and has dealt with it one way or another. Now that you recognize the accutanne may have been a trigger for you I'm glad you are off of it . It may take some time for your body to reajust. For me it helps to maintain a healthy life style, eat well , exercise , vitamins.have you been to a dr. ?They can work you up for other causes or low Iron, thyroid issues. It's good to see that all your blood work is okay. I am happy to hear that you are in love and have a supportive boyfriend sounds like he has been with you a long time already , loves you for who you are and not for your hair.I admire that you are in beauty school , I believe that you will be able to go on and help other people perhaps suffering from similar issues. It may be hard to see that right now. I am glad you found this sight wishing you lots of hair regrowth real soon . Keep posting . Hugs. Deb
  3. shasha1

    shasha1 Member

    Hi Willows. Everything you are feeling...people on this site have felt to some extent & we know what you're going through. Some may deal with it better than others. But the common thing is, losing your hair sucks the energy and life out of you. It's funny when you read something like this and it seems like someone is describing your feelings exactly. I'm in my early 30s, and have always dealt with mild and at times it can flare up to moderate acne since I was in my early 20s. In my early 20s it got so severe one year that I went on this vegetable, fish and water diet for 3 months (because I refused to take accutane) which cleared it up completely. Ofcourse I could not maintain this diet but since then it has stayed mild and controlled with proactive & a pretty good diet. Point being...I have the most beautiful hair my whole life, so anytime I felt low about my skin, I could always make myself feel better by looking at my hair.

    I started losing my hair two years ago at 32 right after I got married. So being in a new marriage and feeling ugly and worthless ...I know how detrimental it can be for a relationship. It's not about your boyfriend, it's about you. YOU have to feel pretty, confident and happy to make the relationship a happy one for you. I was so depressed that I often (even now) think when will my husband leave me? Even though my hair is still presentable, it's about half of what it used to be and even though I don't have skin issues anymore, it's not perfect, but my hair was flawless, and now it's half gone. Losing your hair is like losing a finger or a toe. It's a part of you...and its' a part of your femininity. if a woman hasn't gone through it, they will not realize the detrimental effects it can have on every aspect of your life (significant other, interactions with girlfriends, work, etc.) You become lost in this daze and world where all you see is HAIR. Others who have thick hair and can style it, like you used to. The first thing I notice in a girl when we first meet is there hair. It becomes a sickness. You are not alone. I also felt that in my first year of marriage I was supposed to be having fun, loving life.

    I am very confident that your hair will grow back after the medication is out of your system. (If you don't have pattern hair loss in your family..ask your mom dad if they have hairloss when it started) - if neither of them or your grandparents do, then your body will bounce back and hopefully you'll see some re-growth. Try to turn to your bf and time w/ him to lift your spirits. I stopped hating myself and put myself in my husbands shoes and how miserable my mood must make him feel. I laugh and joke around now trying to just enjoy the time w/ him. I cry and pity myself in my own time in the bathroom but put my hair back and put on a smile when we're together. It's hard to do, but it helps. Yes, please keep posting and venting. It helps a bit. I wish you luck and need any advice, let us know.
  4. mimosa

    mimosa New Member

    Hello, I completely understand, as I'm 24 with hair loss. I totally understand that feeling of frustration of not being capable of "free yourself" aroound your boyfriend. I'm currently single and despite the fact that I get some attention, I'm always scared to go out with someone and start a relationship because eventually I will have to explain.

    However, if you've been together with him for 4 years, I think it's clear he loves you. I think you might not want to point out a "flaw" to him, but maybe you could talk to him to give you reassurance. From what I've read here, men can be more understanding than we give them credit for, especially if he's really supportive.

    In any case, I think that you shouldn't lose hope yet. Like shasha1 mentioned, look at your family members for clues as to what their hair is like now. I'm no doctor, but also if you noticed more shedding since September last year that's quite fast, and might be a case of TE. AGA is slow and progressive, it can take years for thinning to become apparent. And if you can, go to a doctor, getting a good one is difficult, but it's worth it, because many conditions can mimic AGA... sometimes the "pattern" thing can be misleading. Some women also have good luck with naturopath doctors who treat conditions holistically.

    Good luck, and hugs! You're not alone.
  5. hathor

    hathor New Member

    hello willows :)
    i totally understand what you're going through.
    i'm 19, almost 20, and have been diagonised with androgenitic alopecia :(
    i pretty much like you can't wear my hair back as it's thinning on top and my scalp would show, especially in the sun. so i just try to hide it with a side part.

    my boyfriend has noticed that my hair is thin on top when i was wearing my hair in a high pony tail. he's pretty much okay with it as it's not severe or that much noticeable, a lot of people have thinning hair so it's no biggie for him at the moment (of course unless my genetic hair loss kicks in :s).

    like you, i'm so in love with my boyfriend and the whole hair thing is really devastating to me and it has destroyed my self confidence (i use rogaine 5% and it has caused me some side effects, but that's another story)
    anyhow, he knows all about my genetic hair loss and how bad it makes me feel. i was really hesitant when i told him at first because i was so embarrassed, but i'm so used to telling him everything so i just blurted it out :D.. aslo, he's the only one i feel comfortable sharing anything with.

    so my advice to you would be talk to your boyfriend about. i'm sure he'll understand and he won't judge you or anything. he sees you beautiful just the way you are. if you don't talk to him when you're feeling down then what is the use of having someone you love?

    also, you shouldn't wear extensions, at least not often as heard it could cause traction alopecia.
    and another way you could conceal that hair loss is that you could change your hair color or have a new hair cut.

    you're not alone in this :)
    good luck and let us know how you do
    xx
  6. shinning_likeme

    shinning_likeme New Member

    Hello beauties,

    Its really a sad thing that we all have to face such a serious crucial looks problem at such an early age. I really fel upset at the change of feeling like a free bird we are trapped hunting for some miracle to treat that loosing locks. Its hard to gather courage and talk about the problem but the best about the forums is that we can share and even care for all of them suffering likewise:>.